yuuuan

I miss school.

2010-03-30T22:21:00.000-07:00

I really really do.

I dont know, cheering for my juniors yesterday just really brought back memories. Yknow, I've been living that same routine for the past 12 years of my life; School, homework, teachers, trainings, competitions, scoldings, exams, results.. Things are just so different right now and while I'm glad I'm freed from all of that, I guess I will be better off going to school.

I just hate it when I have to decide how I would want my life to turn out. I hate it I hate it. Why can't things just stay where they are, and I wouldn't have to make any decisions about university courses, career paths and whatever other crap that comes with growing up.

I hate growing up.

I really miss everyone. My classmates, my teammates (especially my 5 batchmates), my teachers.. sigh.

I HATE GROWING UP.

Maybe I should find more jobs, or do volunteer work to stop my mind from wandering.

I hate growing up.

just gotta let it ouuuuuut.

2009-11-14T01:14:00.000-08:00

Haha well, sigh I know no one comes here anymore and I've gotta let some things off my chest so guess this is the only outlet.

Disappointment hurts. It really does. But nothing hurts more than letting yourself down, knowing that some things are just within your capability to do well but yet, at the end, nothing seems to come through. You blank out, you are careless, or some shit is just staring at you in your face and you really dont know how to do.

Well, sigh I've let myself down countless times in my whole life, but nothing hurts more knowing that I failed myself yesterday. Yeah, I get comforted from the people I love, but well, somehow it doesn't make it easier for me to bear. It just isn't.

And yeah, I am getting over it gradually, not because I want to, but because I have to. Two weeks more of this arduous journey and I just I can't afford to crumble now.

But I'm really tired, I really am. Sigh, I'm just tired of trying so hard to be a good student, a good daughter, a good girlfriend and I dont know, maybe I'm reaching breaking point. But I don't push blame, I only blame myself for being so stupid and sigh, maybe some things just aren't meant to be.

I dont know sigh, I'm just reconsidering some things (although it's really the wrong time to do so).

Just really tired.

Help me.

Failure and Disappointment

2009-05-04T05:11:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling very shitty now.

Sigh.

It's the end of the road

2009-04-25T05:04:00.001-07:00

Well, so thursday marked the last game that I would ever play for any school and I'm glad that everything ended of so so so well.

We knew that both teams were up against tough competition and all along, I know that many don't expect us to get champions. We knew the odds were against us but that didn't stop us from trying our hardest. Because we know that as long we've tried, we'll end the season with no regrets.

And who knew that we'll get double champs?

Haha, nobody actually. Not me at least.

It was an unexpected victory, but yet that unexpectedness made everything so much sweeter. (:

We've been training hard since a few months ago, and last 2 weeks were just madness with trainings held nearly everyday. Haha but all that sweat and pain were minimised knowing that everyone's in it together and that all of us will be there for each other.

Looking back, haha I seriously think that the team bonded so much better this year, especially during season when we started going out more as a team. But of course, certain jokes were not appreciated and should not have been revealed to the whole team! Haha but what the heck, everyone's just out to have some fun and laughter. Certain people's dark secrets were revealed such as ahma's ahem liking towards p*** and ahhhhhhtoooms clashing all around, oh and yellow house cheerleaders too. (:

It was fun, definitely.

Apart from that, we have gone through some rough times as well, yknow. Like how we nearly got kicked in the ass in the qfinals or certain misunderstandings that cause tension in the team, but that didn't pull our morale down, instead we talked about it, thrashed things out, and somehow things just became so freakin' much better.

Like I've said, never before in my life have I felt so awkward having to speak my heart towards my teammate because all along I'm not the confrontational kind who will just approach that person. Instead, I'll just be a coward and hide under the stone till I gather enough confidence to send that person a sms. Haha, but my stupid ass teammates (as much as I hate them for this) made me do it, and I'm glad that everything turned out well.

Somehow I feel that this season, I haven't really stepped up much as captain and lead the team; the feeling is so much different from before [probably cos I made it in main team after a few years and yeah, things just felt different]. Most of the time, I was the one running away from problems/conflicts this year until someone pushes me forward, as reluctant as I may be. Like what I've told xiu the other day, one reason why our team was so bonded this day was because we sat down addressed our problems and everyone was just so receptive and open to comments, which was good! Haha, and I'm also so so thankful to have mature, experienced teammates like janice, yam and jialei to guide us along with their tips and wisdom.

Thanks my teammates (:

I feel kinda proud of myself, knowing that I've managed to fight my way up from nothing to something though I still end the season a little regretful. I just wish that I could have played just slightly better for my last match, just a tad better would have make me even happier. But well, at least my efforts paid off, and I'm just very thankful for that.

So, it's time to step down as captain and pass the flame on to my juniors.

Gonna miss the adrenaline, the competition, the team spirit, and lastly, my teammates.

But everything's gotta come to an end, and for me, everything has just been per-fect.

Thank you RJTT o9 for this wonderful experience. (:

Love yall.

>:O

2009-04-09T09:04:00.000-07:00

Alright friends, so I haven't been here for a very very long time. But no one comes here anymore anyway so all's fine!

School has just been madness of the past few months with trainings and tuitions and trainings again..

Then came CTs which went reasonably okay :O

Mmh, nationals have started for about a week or so, and the team just finished playing their 2nd Q-finals match today. Haha I think it has been a hell of a day for us..The girls team faced a fairly tough opponent today and nearly got our asses kicked. And well, I'm not kidding about this. Everyone of us were made to fight hard for our victory today. I guess this is indeed an awakening call for us, that what comes ahead is definitely not an easy road. We're already halfway through into the season, and there's just these last 2 matches to go.

2 more weeks, and I know we can do it. C'mon.

Oh and it was a nervewrecking situation for me today, considering that some things happened unexpectedly and then the pressure was on the team to win the game. Never before in a team have I felt this way - that fear and pressure combined had just totally thrown me inside out, making me more nervous and worried than I've ever been.

But I'm determined to do better, and I promise.

Let's hope I'll get another chance.

On a lighter note, haha it has been great to spend time with the team. Had team dinner today and gosh, we may just end up in trouble tomorrow or perhaps monday cos we were making a hell lot of noise and taking about the sickest, weirdest stuff! Haha but I'm glad to say that we're bonding relatively well (:

love you all!

2 more weeks. 2.

Because things would always (not) work out in the end

2009-01-15T05:29:00.000-08:00

Yknow I really really want this so freakin badly that I can nearly give up every single thing just to fight for it.

But I know that it's always the big picture that matters, not whatever shit a stupid individual like me thinks.

Oh gosh, I've never felt like this before.

All that talk about working hard and what not, well it did pay off for me for a period of time but what came after that was a nightmare - something that no one ever fuckin' expected to happen, but yes it did, and it happened to me.

And because it's that fuckin' important to me.

It's THAT important.

:O

2009-01-13T05:01:00.000-08:00

Alright, so it has been 2 months since I've last posted and school has even started!

So the holidays were great! Went to beijing with my classmates and teammates and I'm glad that I got to know all of them better throughout the trip (:

Haha, and I've extracted both my wisdom tooth within a month, and frankly speaking, I was more afraid of the second extraction than the first cos I knew what was coming, and the 'stupid teeth talk' I had with moe before that so wasn't needed! But well, I'm safe and all good so well.. (:

Yknow, I think people are aware that I've changed. And I really don't know if they think I've changed for the better or for the worst.. But I know that I've definitely changed, as a friend, leader and person. I really have no idea how to articulate my thoughts carefully and put them into coherent sentences cos I'm currently feeling very down.

Just to say, I'm sorry.

How do they figure it all out?

2008-11-12T07:32:00.000-08:00

Life has been pretty fulfilling.. actually no, it hasn't been at all. Haha I'm spending most of my free time playing css or watching tv or just, figuring out what to do next. In short, everything except studying! Promo results were okay..I'd expected much worst than that so I've no complaints but I guess it's just a wakening call that I should start bucking up to avoid disappointment next year.

So people, if you see that I've too much free time, PLEASE PERSUADE ME TO START TAKING OUT MY BOOKS KAY!

People around me did pretty well (: Some smart hardworking asses who do not admit that they are smart and hardworking and their name on the dean's list just proves it all! (: Except I know that there are a couple of flukes..... YES IT IS YOU MERRILL THE GAY! Haha xD

Spent much time catching up with people I've lost touch with like SLEEPOVER AT RITZ CARLTON WITH SPONKAYYZ or RGTT'08 Farewell.. and it was pretty darn fun! At the sleepover, we just talked and talked and talked, and even those who seemed far away also decided to 'open her eyes' and join us at the bed, when in fact she wasn't asleep at all....then there were those whiney ones who kept complaining about bed space but in the end, we had a great deal of information dug out from her. THEN THERE IS A LESBIAN COUPLE!!! LOL!!

Farewell was fun too, pity we had to leave early but I'm glad that the retarded juniors that I have watched and grown up with are now passing on the flame to the next batch and everyone is just moving on to where they are supposed to be (: Am happy for you guys (: Oi, sec3 batch, make sure yall do a good job ah.

Miko's just becoming more playful! She hides below my bed and makes weird noises, or plays with her ball at the edge of the bed such that it drops off constantly and she just keeps jumping up and down. So even if it's the holidays, who cares? I am already awake by 6.30am, nearly EVERY MORNING! But I love the smelly, naughty, crazy, eratic dog anyway (:

Many things have been happening, I've discovered things that I wasn't supposed to know, be in places that I'm not supposed to be, or start thinking 'what could have been'..

Yknow, it's ironic that, I have never expected that the one person I thought would ruin this amazing feeling that I have, would be me. And then, I wondered if things could have indeed been better, if the past could have been corrected, if i could have gone back and amend the mistakes that I've done, plaster the wounds of people that I've previously hurt.. But I guess not, because things aren't always as simple as it seems. That WILL happen if that's a world where people are merely just emotionless robots but not in this world you live in yiyun, these are people with real feelings, feelings whom you've obliviously hurt along the way and it's just too late to make it up now.

I know sorry wouldn't cut it, but I still have to say it anyway.

I'm sorry.

Then there are promises that you've made but failed to carry it out throughout the way..

There was just this night that I couldn't sleep, prolly cos I was thinking about how mean a person I have been. Somehow, I just don't realise it but all it takes is for a single person to bring it up. I know I've changed ever since I stepped foot into RJC and I don't like the person that I am now. I used to be not so crude, not so vulgar, not so bitchy. But now, it's just a natural instinct for me and I know sometimes I seem to be having fun, laughing and all, then again I look at the mirror and I just don't see, me. I just see a freakin' ass in the mirror.

People change, no doubt.

So I've promised myself that I will change to become a better person, cos I know how fortunate I am to have such loved ones beside me and I will never ever ever ever do anything to hurt them again.

Pizz out dudes`

Death and what's not?

2008-10-01T07:21:00.000-07:00

Well, so promos are over and that's like a huge burden off my shoulders but what comes ahead is even scarier, considering that I never do well in exams, and furthermore I couldn't complete some of the papers.. well we'll see it as it goes I guess.

So a year has passed, and well I can't admit that I don't think about it every now and then. I still miss her, I miss the way she greets me when I step into the house or the way she goes crazy when she's about to go down for a walk or the manners which she begs me for food such that it's always nearly hard to resist.. I miss her, I miss Waggie.

But well, it has been a year. And it's just too fast. But throughout this year, I've grown up and I've matured. No doubt I still cry in bed at times, because sometimes it's just too hard to believe that your friend who has always been there for the past 10 years of your life is gone, and what's left of her are the memories that we'd shared. But I know somewhere up there, she's having a much better time and that she's relieved of the pain that she went through.

No matter what waggie teh, I still love you.

Right now, there's a new addition to the family! And her name's miko! Well, same breed, nearly the same face, and yeah the characteristics are pretty similar - crazy, hyperactive, friendly.. She's cute but troublesome to take care of, considering that she's NOT toilet-trained and it's definitely a handful to take care of her.

I dont want to regret not spending time with miko like what happened between waggie and I, so I'm gonna cherish and record every possible moment that I have with her.. (:

Life has been good after promos just that I've gotta start revising soon ahead of next year or I wont be able to cope.

Sigh, there's so much going on in my life and ah nvm.

Take care all.

Tongue Tied

2008-08-16T20:37:00.000-07:00

Hi friends, hope yall are doing well.

Mmh so I've found out about stuff that I shouldn't have in the past week and yeah, there's disappointment but what else can I do? Just have to live with it, and accept that life's cruel like that.

Hope everything works out for the best though.

Ah, next 5 weeks is gonna be filled with stress and madness and little fun. ): Oh wells, I guess we'll just have to take things in our stride and just take it slooooow.

31days and counting.

Thanks goes out to those who are concerned. loveyouall.

More Important People

2008-08-05T06:49:00.000-07:00

More important people.

Yknow, I never knew people had such low faith in me and in the way I handle my relationships with others. I just never ever knew it was that low. And yknow it just freakin' hurts to know that what I thought was 'okay/good' all along was never good enough for them.

IT WAS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH. I WAS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH.

And so, I apologise to all of you out there whom I've previously hurt, knowingly or unknowingly. Maybe I AM bad at maintaining interpersonal relationships so I'm sorry alright?

I just can't take criticisms I guess, and I'm just too sensitive about what others say about me.

Ah forget it, I deserve it anyway.

JC life is turning me into a mean little bitch, that I can't deny. Somehow I feel no matter how much I can laugh and joke around in school, I just feel empty inside, that something within's missing.

Sigh life sucks.

Surprises. Unexpected.

2008-08-03T05:19:00.000-07:00

TOO many things have been happening and yeah, it has been a long long time since I've last blogged. Well, the main reason cos work has been just piling up lately and then there's pw, there's ihc to throw your plans to study off track, there's tuition, remedial classes and the list just never ends.

Well, my mum hit me with some news yesterday. And I really thought that I should have known it earlier, not yesterday, but much much earlier. Because I expected so much out of it, I thought things were going fine, but who knew, they weren't.

Losses are always unexpected yiyun, why haven't you gotten that drilled into you?!

I am sorry though, cos I should have known better.

But I REALLY REALLY hope that things will just turn out fine like perhaps after 5/6 weeks?

Although, it's always my wishful thinking.. Just hope it's the best for both of them.

Sigh, I really hate losing people in my life, especially those that I am close to.

About 6 more weeks to waggie's death anniversary, so soon. And it has been a year since she left me, it's just, too fast for this to happen. I never knew I could survived so long without her by my side.

Sometimes I just HATE myself. Nowadays, I am slammed with work and then I just forget that yknow, this integral part of me is gone. I used to make it a point to remember her cos I really really dont want the memories to fade alongside with time. But now, it's just going away and I can feel it and I dont it to be that way.

byebye

2008-05-25T03:55:00.001-07:00

This is for my people
Who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby
Your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye
No, no, no

'Bye bye' By Mariah Carey

Beautiful beautiful song and I think her new album may be pretty good (:

Okay school has been fun lately and wait, first things of all. I AM SO GONNA FAIL MY COMPRE.. haha seriously I totally screwed it up. ayyye, but then again my english standard has always been lower than average so it's not a surprise there.

Then we supported SHAWN TAN at badminton finals and saw another side of him but congrats to rjtt on the double gold (:

Many things have been happening since I'd last blogged like exco results, lecture tests, sophry's wrist injury, passed my first test ever, CHAMPIONS LEAGUE and EPL CHAMPIONS.. the past month has been a blast but I'm enjoying every minute of it and I hope you guys are too!

And I think 09So6B is getting more bonded with each day, and with each stupid thing that everyone of us does e.g. seetow suaning ryan chan to no end, or emily saying 'you shit' and flattering you with 'beautifuuuuul' when she needs something from, or her brushing teeth after each break (yessss -.-), or sophry's blurness, or brandon's random highness, or audrey shih the chao ahlian.. haha fun to be around them (:

Okay holidays are gonna be screwed for me, cos I'm gonna be away for nearly 2 weeks which leaves me with another 2 weeks to catch up with my studies! And for those who know me well, haha that's so totally insufficient so thus, I'm gonna screw up CTs. congraaatz.

But for now, let's all just sit back and give ourselves a break.

Take care all!

Guess what friday is.

2008-04-21T08:25:00.000-07:00

Not black friday.

Not just a friday.

It was her birthday ):

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again
oh no Once again

Everything you wanted

2008-04-20T06:30:00.000-07:00

Hope everyone's doing fine out there now.

I've been rotting away in school and at home, and somehow I've lost my motivation to study. That lasted for about a week till today! Aye I'm seriously lagging in my work!

Yesterday was good cos I managed to meet up with my juniors and we had great time together! (: Love you juniors, we miss you badly. See yall at finals (:

Chem spa, physics spa, pi, pw group report and finals.

GGXZXZX

Fighting for a lost cause

2008-04-12T01:27:00.000-07:00

You know the one time when I can actually make things work for me, I screw it up big time. And I guess there's not point of return; it's merely fighting for a lost cause.

I'm giving up, and this feeling sucks.

Bye friend(s).

Lalalala..

2008-04-09T05:04:00.000-07:00

Life has been fun since I've last blogged. Hmm, our class is getting crazier and crazier with each day. Haha and lately I've been spurting nonsense during lessons, especially during econs tutorial xD Mr quek is darn funny lah! 'I think both of us cannot be blamed about this class but you guys should have thought of this first..'

Yay, I have audrey in my pw group :D at least that's someone I'm close to. Hope things will be smooth for us

Congrats to those who got into council (:

Been having regrets about my decisions lately, I just cant put my mind to ease with whatever I am doing and sometimes, I just hate myself for doing so.

And I think I may very well give up soon enough..

Okaay, so we may just end up getting a silver for nationals for good after hearing today's news. But we won't want to go down without a fight, we'll create our own chances and fight for our deserved victories :D Last quarters match tmr and semis on friday, if all is well finals will be on the 23rd of april at TPSH!!
Omg, I miss you.

Invisible

2008-03-17T05:23:00.000-07:00

Life has been pretty smooth, the holidays were just slackehhz.

And yknow what, I'm just glad to have my whole batch with me in rjtt (:

The start begins.

2008-03-08T07:40:00.000-08:00

Alright, so things have been pretty crazy since the last time I've blogged! But life has been pretty good currently, so no complaints till some shizz comes up.

Birthday was simple and nice (: thanks to those who wished me, celebrated, and spent the day with me! (: love you guuuyz :D and I'm really sorry if I've forgotten your birthdays for the past 2 months. I've been a terrible friend lately, so pardon me friends.

Trainings have been enjoyable lately cos I think I'm getting back on form, either that I've improved miraculously so I choose to believe that it's the former. Hopefully it stays till season's over or somewhere around there eh. Ohoh, xiu and I went back to rg to train yesterday and we had a greeeeat time right xiu! Haha, lately we've been playing matches that are darn exciting :D and I think we were the noisiest amongst the juniors yesterday xD don't blame us, we're just happy to be back..?

Okaaaay, I think jc life is starting to change me..

OHOH. JOKE OF UM, the week? We were walking one day and shaojit kicked his left toe against a brick and it was pretty painful that it bled and he started to limp. Then the joke came about that if people hadn't known better, they would have thought he's the terrorist! Haha, thank goodness for the raffles pe shirt! xD

Holidays! Time to slack, sleep and study o.O

)):

2008-02-27T06:04:00.000-08:00

On the way home from dinner, we saw a cat near a bus stop that was struggling for its life. It got knocked down by a vehicle but if the culprit was that police bike, I'm sorry but they have lost all respect from me.

)):

Shucks, and it's still lingering in my mind. )):

RGTT yaaaay

2008-02-21T05:21:00.000-08:00

Xiu, moe, ahma, sarah, val and I headed down to pss to support our dearest rgtt playing against cedar.

So we reached there promptly on time and just cheered our hearts out for the team. And sheesh, I really miss the team so much. rjtt is fun and crazy, but all the memories are definitely with rgtt and I love them! My batchmates may not have said it, but I know for sure that they do too.

We did all the stupid things that we used to do while cheering, like shouting stupid stuff/explicits (val's case)/doing stupid actions.. and this time round it was much easier, cos we weren't wearing the name of rgtt xD ooh and my voice is a little scratchy now but all's worth it for rgtt (:

And congrats to my juniors! Bdiv won 4-1 while Cdiv lost 3-2 but I still thought it was a superb match, very entertaining (: strive further for nationals! You know we'll be back!

Love you guys! (:

29th Feb

2008-02-18T05:16:00.000-08:00

):

Don't want that day to come.

Junior College?!

2008-01-31T05:42:00.000-08:00

Chinese new year is next week and I'm excited cos there's like a 5 day holiday for us so.. no complaints! But sigh, papa won't be around for it again.. Sucks lah, sigh. That's the only downside to it.

I've been really tired lately, with training 4 times a week and long school hours. And darn, going through this for another 2 years.. But yknow, the company around me is great and that's what pulling me through. Just today at training, haha we spend like 30 mins jumping on the trampoline which was thrilling :D Yesyes, cheap thrill you may say but when 7 retarded girls start screaming ANd jumping, haha it's just gone mad.

That's the fun part of training.. though when it comes down to the REAL training, I've really gotta buck up and fight for my place. Sometimes after training, I just feel so demoralized so people out there, please push me along kay? I think there are times when I nearly gave up, and sometimes I just neeed the motivation..

Take care all.

To work hard or To give up?

2008-01-21T05:40:00.000-08:00

School's been pretty rocking especially with the wreck-havoc class that I have, just that every now and then we'll get into trouble/scoldings but hey, what's school without that?

And yeah, I withdrew from hockey and still went back to tabletennis. After the whole big hooha, our whole batch still decided to join tabletennis (: quite happy about that.

But aye, then there's the competition.. I don't know if I should start fighting or if I should just let it go now. I guess there's still a chance for me to play yknow, I've a feeling things will just be like the past 2 years.

Coming into a new environment is great without doubt, new friends and teachers and competition. Basically, it's just refreshing to get away from the old but then comes the uncertainty issue.. what to join, how to start, what to do..yeah you get what I mean.

Life's bittersweet as usual.

Csesh(?) That's goodbye in polish I think.

Breathing

2008-01-09T04:24:00.000-08:00

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me'
Cause I want nothing more than to
Sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be, yeah...
Where I wanna be...

Maybe I'm a coward. Just faced too many things now, school cca class. And apart from that is the internal struggle I have within, maybe I'm just to afraid to face it. Nearly 4 months in, I've refused to move the urn. 4 months in, I've yet to keep my farewell stuff. 4 months in, I'm right here.

Don't know when I can let it go, don't know when I can be a better person.

My life you're stealing

2007-12-20T10:32:00.000-08:00

Hello friends, how's the holidays coming along? Haha regardless, I just hope that your lives haven't been as unproductive as mine. I rot at home playing cs for about 4/5 hours per day, yesyes I know my life is sad please don't repeat that.

Past week has been quite tiring and expensive! Haha considering that I've spent nearly every day out eating and playing but hey, it's good to just sit and chill out with your friends :D and of course, there's a lot of stuff we talk about :P Oh and sunday's sleepover at zeslene's was awesome, haha apart from the fact that manutd won liverpool at anfield, the mao and I stayed up to just chaaaat. haha pretty rockin' eh (:

Had family steamboat just now, and woah, suddenly feel the urge of going to msia with my cousins. My parents want me to go I know (I know they'll feel kinda lonely?) but kinda made certain commitments to the plans I have next week so.. Surprised pa with a birthday cake (: though it's kinda hard when you have 1 bochap brother, 1 brother who's too obsessed with his girlfriend, and 1 mother who's busy cleaning up. So what you have left of that would be an idiot which is me, running around the house trying to keep the surprise a surprise -.- darn annoying I tell you

Things have been fine though, and yeah pretty glad for that. (:

Miss you.

2007-12-11T07:01:00.000-08:00

For real?

2007-12-09T10:54:00.000-08:00

Alright, so I'm back in one piece but my heart + mind are all over the place. Thanks to those concerned about that domestic airplane crash in turkey. Mmh, received a msg about 1 hour before boarding the plane and it was a scare but all's well anyway. Sad thing though, everyone on board which was 57 of them didn't make it. There was even a 2 months old baby (not too sure about this) and when I saw the funeral on news, woah it hit me hard cos I know the feeling of losing people I loved too. A baby can you imagine that, yet to experience what the world's like and boom, just gone like that.

Sigh, I've lost people and I'm losing them now. It's kinda hard to be away when you've unfinished business over here. Had time to think things through over in turkey, considered the looooong hours on the bus.

Too many regrets this year, and many ahead. I think I had the chances to be a better person, I really really had the chances but I just blew it like that. I thought I've learnt my lesson after waggie's departure, but no. Take class chalet for example, heh stupid stupid thing. Sometimes I seriously feel like stabbing myself, maybe there would be less pain.

Friends, you're dearly missed.

Wedding bells are ringing

2007-11-25T08:08:00.000-08:00

Happy family (:

Attended two weddings in one week, and it just makes me think how fast we're getting older and older. But I'm just really glad for my cousins, and ahma too. Seeing her so so so happy woah, yknow just feels as though the whole world's filled with love and happiness again

But sadly nope, things aren't that way.

Am currently sick with a slight fever, bad cold, sore throat and cough, must be the lack of rest )): hope I'll get better soon or zomg, I'm gonna suffer for the trip. Leaving for turkey from tuesday to next friday. Take care palz.

Is it enough to love, is it enough to breathe.

2007-11-20T09:15:00.000-08:00

Mmh, I think it's time for me to become a better person and this time round, actually putting these words into action.

So the 2nd brother has been back for a few days, house feels kinda complete again but it's still missing a special loved one if you know I mean. And wth, I rather you don't be back at all cos sometimes you make my life so miserable.

Okay, maybe I need some time off by myself. But sigh, I'm a confused soul of late.

YOU NEED BOUNDARIES. BUT THEN AGAIN, WHAT'S THE POINT.
i need you back, really do.

I need some time with myself

2007-11-15T04:35:00.000-08:00

Alrighty palz, so the highlight for the past few days would have been FAM. Haha zomg, never knew it was so fun. Thought it was just gonna be some brainless dinner ball thingy, haha but it was fun :D I think the performances were good and some things that were said will make you go 'WTH?!' and then you start laughing it off. And to think I was rehearsing how to react if I actually won the lucky draw.

Everyone looked really pretty though (: I guess the special thing about FAM was that even though it's still with your batchmates, this time round they're all dressed up and look really really gorgeous (: Aw, haha I ended up taking pictures with people I don't know! Okay not all lah.

Mmh, but that's more or less the final goodbye to the school and to batch o7 before we embark on another journey before us. Most of us will be moving on to rjc but hey, nothing will ever be the same. What's left are just beautiful memories (:

Okay picturezxzx time! Enjoy everyone. And yeaah, tagboard's still having a lonely time down there. Scroll down if you want to comment! And someone please help me bring it back up.

Loves!

Before leaving the house. Thanks mummy and helsa! (:WINNERS!

Haha look at the varied colours :D

Cheryl teo looks super cute here!Haha looking coooool.
Haha love you doode (:

xiner (:
Haha cool pic huh! guess which is mine! (:

dian looks weird right. like a guy

unsuccessful batch photo (stupid val)So glad to have you guys with me for the past 2 years <3>

Lead Camp o7

2007-11-09T06:43:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's time to share my thoughts on leadcamp!

Wow, this camp has been more than amazing to me. Haha, apart from the great company, yeaah I think it was a good round up to my whole leadership experience in rg. Was pretty excited for this camp because well, haha I had a cool group and the activities did seem interesting. :D

Let's talk about my group first! Ahaha, true jocks man! And yeah, they call themselves Ballz of Fury because all of their sports involved ballz. Yeap, and yknow I think they're one amazing bunch of people that are gonna be great leaders in their CCAs. Though it was just a short 3-days camp, I think they've shown their growth and potential and for that, we're proud of them! Yeah you guys have gotten something out of this camp, unlike us! Haha, continue to shine in your journey and spread that passion alright? (: Will miss you guys!

Okay, don't ask me what's up with the modeling pose.
:D

SLN! Haha, yeah I had a great co-facil for this camp which I'm seriously thankful for because we had fun and we worked well together! So thank you marissa for being so awesome throughout the three days. Will miss working with you, winner! (: Oh yeah, and I think we did piss off several others because we were so noisy counting sheep on the first night. Erps, okaay it wasn't us! -points at yanhan and xiner-

Us taking pictures in the dark with the blinding flash that seriously pissed some people off erps. :X

And yeah, the rest of the facs were just as awesome too :D Guess we're really a batch of passionate leaders that really wish for the best for our successors. Okay, though I've missed the first discussion about bringing out the best in our junior batch, and came in late for the second one, I felt that unspoken love and passion in every one of us. We had a long day, but yet still stayed up till 1230 discussing and sharing our thoughts, brainstorming ideas yaddaaa. If you hadn't had that love, who would have done that? Mmh, so thank you all for making LeadCamp07 memorable. And yeah, Mr Ong is right! The people who have gotten the most out of these would have been the facils, I think we did and these lessons are for life! :D

So thank you SLN especially cherylteo, charlotte, yanhan and yenlin (whom we were desperately trying to suck up to because they had odacians who knew how to cook xD)

Haha I think leeqi's eye is still very very cute!

Awww (:

Haha, I like this picture best! Where did cheryl teo gooooo?! :O

Sports facs without cherylang and vionna!

Oh, and mrsloh broke down while talking to us. That came unexpected and I guess she felt touched for the 'altruistic love' we had and yeaah, we were too. Farewell for her may have been impromptu but that were words from our heart! Haha I think she's just so inspiring in her words even though she may not have noticed it, and she's really pretty too! So much for jocks not crying! xD Wish her all the best for her next stage in life, she's gonna be doing missionary work btw. (:

And yeaah, I've discovered something else about myself too. Or rather, I knew it before just that it became so much more real during these 3 days but I shall leave thatfor another time.. (:

On another note, brother's coming home in a WEEK'S TIME. ZOOOOMG ((: But sadly, that date marks the 2 months anniversary of sigh, waggie.

Leaving you with a video by ballz of fury, dedicated to marissa, me, mr ong and mr chew (: okaaay video can't seem to load. will show it some other timezzz. take care!

Lead Camp 2007!

2007-11-07T05:54:00.000-08:00

Alrighty, so lead camp 2007 just ended today. And yeaah, I guess the idea of us leaving rgs is finally sinking in, at least for some of us today.

Haha mentally tired, but I can't sleep cos I don't know, just keep thinking about my four years in rgs. So here I am blogging!

Really glad that leadcamp worked out well for SLN'07 (: SO MUCH FOR NOT CRYING xD

loads to talk about, loads to show too but I'll post it tmr!

-sings- We're leaaaaaving.

Oh and my tagboard + archives is all the way down at the bottom of the page!!!!!A html idiot like me don't know what went wrong, so kind souls out there please help me ):

Farewell Assembly.

2007-11-01T05:20:00.000-07:00

After attending it for 3 years, it's finally our turn.

Yeah, I am just not ready for it yet because it's too soon! ): I can still remember how secone was like! With secone orientation and the finding nemo skits, or the stupid pts where zeslene and I will end up getting pissed at each other, or most awesomely.. netcarn (:

And right now, 4 years down the road, we're bidding goodbye. There's this part of me that's reluctant to leaveee(though moving on will be quite exciting!). Simply, not ready to leave yet.

Since I'm just typing random thoughts now, let's wait till I'm more alert before I talk about farewell assembly. (:

Been feeling pretty good lately, heeee. Yeah, not that I don't think about it, I still do but I'm adapting to it right now. Sigh, hate to do so but we have to move on right?

Haha went to vivo with olly and nata yesterday and we bought cool toys stuff, yes instead of our prom dresses. We bought cool hair dye, don't worry it's temporary (:

=DA rare sight, you seldom see olly dodging the camera!Our new found friend, she's a blonde (:Haha my water babies in the vivocity pond/water thingy xD, they are still there I think!Look really closely! Our hair has streaks of blue. Yes it's cool I know =DSponkayyz <3 id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5127851359175138498" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_yA8Ja8dyZXM/RynJpISjXMI/AAAAAAAAAMA/6DimwFZ6wKg/s320/3.jpg" border="0">Ahhhhhhhdugen! Nata still looks so happy even though kay won.

Haha, many people made these 4 years such a greeeeat one. Love you guys (:

Zomg

2007-10-27T23:13:00.001-07:00

Chinese, is my downfall.

Good luck all.

sweeeet november

2007-10-26T00:35:00.000-07:00

I think november's gonna be a very exciting month. Weddings, lead camp, bro's coming home, trips! (:
I think I like you (:
Sweet sweet november, as fionajie puts it.

So nearly

2007-10-25T00:09:00.000-07:00

Haven't been here in about a week, hope everyone's doing fine. (:

Chinese O's next week which is freaking me out, especially if I'm in school cos nearly every secfour you see has some chinese papers/books in their hands. THEN you wonder if you're doing enough to make it all work for you.. Definitely not for my case because well, I slept from 9 to 6 last night (like which ~~normal~~ rgs girl actually has that luxury!) Yesyes, now you know the deep **** I'm in.

Nevermind, I'll just freak out very badly like on monday or tuesday. And what comes after that is freedom and farewell assembly. After four years, it's finally OUR farewell assembly. Wow, too fast to be true. Okay, let's leave the emotions for some other time.

Oh and lead. camp's prolly gonna be fun =D looking forward to it. Balls of Fury ftw! [balls of fury is my group's name, while marissa and I are blades of glory] WINNERS.

Been in a pretty good mood lately, if you know me well enough, you should know why! (:

Pictures from some time ago..

It's going to be a long walk, alone.

Been thinking about it lately, guess that it's a blessing for waggie to have left me. Cos I don't know, each time I think that I'll spend more time with her after my eyas/test/options, more things follows after which leaves me with many broken promises. Guess she's tired of waiting for all 10 years, sorry pal. But I really miss you though, hope you're doing fine in Doggie Heaven. Dang, told myself I wouldn't cry when I type this.

All these really make me wonder how much I claim to love someone because love is not equals to broken promises. Hope you get what I mean.

Should I get a new dog? Don't want the same thing to happen over again, siigh.

Wish that I could find the words to say

2007-10-19T07:27:00.000-07:00

How can I say that it'll be okay?

Gosh, sometimes I feel like the dumbest ass on earth. Seriously feel like kickin' myself in the butt now. And I wouldn't mind a helping hand, at least it's a wake-up call.

Had fun today with zon, but what's the pont when you screw it all up and ruin such a wonderful evening? Words can't describe what I'm going through now; always trying to be that 'ideal' friend, thinking that I have what it takes. But when you mess it up and it comes slamming right in your face, THEN I'll realise that I'm not who I thought I'd be. Classic me.

Sucks isn't it.

And it ain't the first time, ain't the first person.

Sorry. Guess I wouldn't try too hard now, leave and be it.

Tell me HOW.

2007-10-16T08:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, maybe I haven't been here and I have no idea how to feel anymore.

Sorry.

Gone, Cremated, Ashes.

2007-10-06T07:07:00.000-07:00

): No idea how tomorrow will go.

She's never coming home again. Release her ashes into the freaking ass polluted seas over here.

I really can't live this anymore.

When you lose a friend, and not being able to do anything about it.

I miss you.

2007-10-05T08:45:00.000-07:00

It's too dangerous for me to be alone at home now.

I really can't take this any longer. I need you waggieteh, I need you.

Yknow, I realise that it's easy for me to survive school because previously, I seldomn think about what's going at home; with auntie hermie and the dog. But whenever I'm on my way home, things just do downhill.

I'm not okay. Behind the smiles and laughs I put on, it's still hard to accept the fact. And yknow, forgive me if I cry before you, cos sigh. I really can't handle it.

Netcarn'o7

2007-09-29T23:33:00.000-07:00

Victory post!

So we got champions for the last ever netcarn for us, which came as a big surprise because there were so many other classes out there who were better than us. Haha, but we did keep our hopes high. And when we realised that we may come in as champions, we held hands and just waited for the best.

The banner was awefully pretty. Omy, I think it looks really really pretty, and there are so many others who feel the same way too. Thanks to the geniuses flora and jill. Double double twelve is trouble. (:

The cheerers also put up a wonderful show despite only having 6 people to cheer. You guys did great too!

Shooters! Haha we came in 2nd, did so muuuuch better than last year. Hehe really proud of you guys (: Thanks for training so hard yeah?

Players! We did it! Haha, we've improved so much from last year. And even though our attendance for training was always less than ideal, hey we persevered and we did it. Sorry though, if some of you feel upset with the way I'd arranged the players. >< It's really hard to be in that position and I didn't want to be in it again ever since last year, but some part of me just had to take over. And thanks so so much for coming down for trainings, and tolerating our naggings and frustration. Wow, I really really love this team - more than chemistry eh.

This video is by zspermiez, and they did it just for me! (: Haha, pardon my 'can your please hurry up' and just take note of the total hotness by this.

And yeah, I am aware that some classes/people aren't happy that 412 had actually won. Be it personal hatred or what, I shall apologise for being too rough/crazy/loud during the matches and if I'd hurt/pissed anyone along the way. I get too caught up in the games at times.

Riiight, so 4 years of netball carnival, 3 years champions. It's a great experience and an unforgettable one at that, haha cos I'd only learnt how to play netball since secone but yet I enjoy it soo much. Played centre for every single match, haha tiring but I definitely love the time on court. And the best team every, 204'o5. =D I miss every single one of you! Haha, that was definitely the greatest, most amazing team ever. Olly, maoooo, nata, huihui, jinghan, yunyi, lanya, audrey, shiting (erps sorry but I forgot the rest!) Love you guys yo. (:

For now, let the pictures do the talking!

Haha our pretty banner with jill, flora and poo. (:

Haha players and shooters =D

Joeylnn, cheryly bobo head teo!

Poo is always talking when we are taking pictures.

Poooooooo! We did it ((: Haha

sponkayyz. Love them and sipei, you're still as awesome as ever for designing stuff!

Nata can you please smile!

Natagoh! SMILE.

That's more like it. (:

Ruiling and has' riceball thingy. Haha

Val doesn't seem too happy..
I think she's more comfortable like that. (:

412 will be the first class whose name is gonna be engraved on it. (:

Ozomg, I look so fat ><

Sweet baby sweeeeeeet. (:

Today's the birthday of my beloved friends. Dora Kee and Faddy wadsy. Both are the most awesome people I've ever met (: Thanks fads, for talking to me whenver I have problems. Haha thanks dora for um, being fat cheeks. (: LOVE YOU BOTH.

Where are you?

2007-09-25T05:27:00.000-07:00

Where have you been? Everybody's changing and I don't know why.

Options are tiring, but I guess it's good in a way cos it keeps me away from home. Kinda getting used to the whole waggie's-gone-forever mood. As much as I don't cry anymore, there's still this stubborn part within me that just wishes all that had happened was just a freaking bad dream, and somehow I just wish so so so much that I'll get a call from the hospital telling me that my dog's fine. Which of course, wouldn't happen. Yes, it's just false hope I know that.

It's really hard to accept the fact that waggie's just gone. Yeah gone to a better place I know that, but I'm left here grieving. I look at the sky sometimes, call out to her, wondering if she can hear me. Do you think she can?

I really really wish that she'd be still by my side. I still see her everywhere in the house, but that's just my imagination. I really really miss hugging her, miss running after her, miss feeding her. I can still remember what she does now, but who can guarantee what will happen few months later. I'm so scared yknow that, afraid that memories of her will slowly fade away and I really don't want that. I don't want to get used to the fact that I'm used to not having her around, I don't want to not cry because all these just says that I'm accepting her absence which I AM NOT. Why am I the only one crying in this house?!

So many regrets, but no chance to turn it around anymore.

I am quite excited to get a new dog, but won't it just say that I'm already getting over her and I really really don't want to. These days, I'm just furiously penning my thoughts down about waggie and us. Just in case my memory falters. Just in case..

Waggie, I miss you so much.

We're collecting her ashes this weekend, going to the sea to release her 'soul'. I really can't imagine yknow, my dog being burned to ashes.

It's all part of life I know, people come and go. I guess waggie was one of the very first. Do you know how forgiving dogs are? I've once heard that they'll only remember your kindness towards them and they would never bear any grudges towards you. As much as I have friends around me who pick me up when I fall, waggie was that ONE who stood by me for 10 whole years. And I've never realised that, I'm always looking for others to show care but who knew, that one loyal pal who was there all along, in a very subtle manner, was my dog.

And she's gone.

The lump in her spleen was a freaking 5 by 5cm. That's darn freaking big, and to think she was still lively as before just a few days before she was admitted. I'd never thought I would survive tuition the other day, because mrtan knew the dog too and when he asked about her, I couldn't help it. He was shocked, just as all my relatives are.

I really miss you so so much waggie.

Have you ever wondered what the basic expectations of a friend are? Maybe there aren't any to begin with, but sometimes you've just gotta think if you're being a 'good-enough friend'. And maybe I ain't. Because somehow time after time after time after freaking times, you wish to tell yourself that it would eventually work out but it doesn't.

Let's just say, I'm surviving with false hope.

Farewell

2007-09-22T07:23:00.000-07:00

Waggie's death just miled (i have no idea if this word even exist) the whole atmosphere of farewell, so I thought that I will give it the deserved attention.

Yknow, 1 week after farewell, the whole feeling's just different. Last week was really a terrible one, and with what had happened on sunday, farewell just didn't feel like farewell..

I know the juniors have really put in a lot of effort for this, because I've seen them meet 2 months before, planning for the farewell. With chloe's gymnasium plan since ihg tabletennis to them meeting before trainings to get presents. Somehow, when WE planned for the previous batches, it wasn't so in-depth. As usual, things were all last minute and slipshot, but for this year, it wasn't.

Ever since goodness knows when, juniors have been saying that they'll try to make our farewell a great one. I dismissed that, thought it's just another things that we say and just get it over with. Yeah, but if you've attended secfour farewell'07, you would have much to say.

It wasn't really much of what was planned and what was performed for us, but (as usual) it was just the company. It's just really wonderful to sit with the team again and just laugh at stupid things. And yknow sitting here typing this one week later, I am getting sentimental. Start thinking about all the things that we've done together, like our Cdiv 04 defeat to stnics in the finals or when cdiv was on the verge of getting edged out unless we beat nygh 3-2 (which we won 3-2). Or needless to say, double champs o6 and beating SSS to get champions. Wow, these are just tips of the icebergs.

I remembered Cdiv finals o7 very clearly. The match was getting so intense that val and I sat outside the hall, praying hard that we'll win eventually. The noiseless supporters, the unhelpful prefects.. When we hit the ball out, I knew I was the first to break down. And I just couldn't stop after that, somehow that match meant so much to me. But when I thought about it afterwards, I'd realised that to see my juniors fighting so hard for the team was really a thing to be glad of, because it was something that they'd learnt since they'd joined rgtt.

You know, during my struggle of trying to make it for first team and being benched, I've always wanted the best of both worlds; to play and to win double champs. The selfish part of me wanted to play, but yet the team was at stake. I did try my best, got so frustrated at times that I think the intimidating sarah got intimidated by me. And all along (till last year), I thought that a captain always needs to play because that's just one of her duties on the list.

Yet, I was wrong. Supporting the team from the sidelines was part of her duties too. Somewhat, if I was to play, bonding the team part would prolly be compromised. And I really got to know my team mates better, which I'm really thankful for. I guess xiu and I worked really well, we kinda complemented each other in our duties. (:

It's not the end yet rgtt, I've still quite a few things to say to you guys. So I'll be back yeah? take care.

Miss you like Crazy (even more than words can say)

2007-09-21T06:46:00.000-07:00

Ashes are ready for collecting.

It's back to square one.. )):

I can't do it.

2007-09-19T05:55:00.000-07:00

I hate coming home, seriously dread it. Because in this house, it used to be so lively.

Well not anymore. What's left of this house now, is just memories, painful ones. I don't want to come home. Pa, mummy, forgive me if I run away.

Thanks to all who were concerned.

Day 1.

2007-09-17T04:46:00.000-07:00

In loving memory of Waggie Teh, 25th April 1997 - 16th September 2007

It sucks okay. I really can't bear to stay at home and rot in this empty house. I WANT MY DOG, I WANT WAGGIE TEH.

How empty is this house, let me share with you. Weikor's in australia, zhenkor's staying in the hostel or out most of the time, and now with my dog gone, I'm left with nobody. I really dread coming home. I used to have this lively dog that's waiting for me, and each time I come up the stairs, I see her head through the gates, waiting eagerly. When she wags her tail and looks at you with those black pearl eyes..I miss all of that. It's just too sudden yknow that. I still remember last week this time, when I came home, she jumped up and licked me as usual and of course I repaid her in my own way.

But now.. It's all gone and I don't want it to happen. I want my DOG. WAGGIE WHERE ARE YOOOU. I really really miss you so much, please come back to me.

It's so painful. Each time I come back, I have no one else that greets me with the same excitement. All I have before me is this empty house.

We used to be so concern about her running away if we leave the gate open, but now, who cares whether the gate's open or closed cos THE DOG'S GONE OKAY. Everything's just so different and I thought I could get used to it, but it's so damn hard. The couch's feels empty now because there's no one crouching at the little corner anymore.

And you know what, when I finished my bath today, I thought I was missing something. Only did I realise that it wasn't there anymore; waggie used to wait for me outside and just trot along with me when I come out. Now, there's no one.

I really really miss you a lot yknow waggie teh. You've been with me since I was six, and throughout this ten years, you've been with me more than I've ever been with you. With you gone, what do I do? It's just this part of my life that's missing, and YOU are missing, my dear waggie. I really have no idea how to continue with life, because my life used to consist of you, and I am clueless how to go on with life without you.

I have so much more to tell you, so much more that I owe you. I have so many regrets - I still owe you your birthday present, I still owe you many doggie walks, I still owe you many chicken bones.. I am so sorry that I couldn't keep your company all the time, especially during your most painful moments, I was happily playing away with the team. You've kept me through the darkest times - my injuries, my eyas. And I never did the same with you. I have so many regrets and apologies meant for you but when I held you in my arms yesterday, I just didn't know how to say.

And when I saw your state.. It just made things worse. I'm sorry to leave you there like that..

I'm sorry waggie, I owe you far too much. I want you back by my side; waking up with me every morning, waiting by my side to eat my breakfast, digging the dustbin. Can you please come back..? I WANT YOU. I should have known better, should have brought you for more frequent checkups, I shouldn't have left you there. I miss you so much..

I'm so scared, scared that I'll forget how she looks like, her barks, her behaviour.. I don't want to. I'm really that scared yknow that. It's has been days since I last saw her running around, but as time pass, the memories fade. And sometimes, the photos are just not sufficient.

Waggie, if you can hear me, know that I'll always be here waiting for you with your favourite chicken bone. you will always be my one and only dog, for ever and ever. Please stay by me if you can..

But you left me here alone, confused and lost.

People told me she'll be in heaven, where there's no suffering, no pain. But I just need one more day to tell her how much I love her.. I really want to believe that this is a dream yknow that, BUT IT'S FREAKING NOT. IT'S NOT A DREAM YIYUN, SO SNAP OUT OF IT THAT WAGGIE'S GONE, FOREVER.

Thanks to those who were concerned for me, I may be okay in front of other's, but my heart's aching so badly. And when I cry, I cry alone. Won't want my parents to be worried for me, they've got enough on their minds. I don't know how to put a closure to this, neither do I know if I ever will. If you see me around on the corridors, please give me hug. I'll really appreciate it.

Waggie..I just need one more day with you.

Rgtt secfour farewell/Waggie's goodbye

2007-09-15T21:33:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been the worst, the most tiring one of my life. And I guess from the title, yall should already know why and it hurts to just continue typing but I promised a blog post for farewell. Pardon me if I'm incoherent here, for it is really painful to do this - trying to keep a happy tone while talking about farewell. But i'll pull through it, and make it till the end of this post. Please bear with me too, if I start getting emotional.

Since secfour farewell was yesterday, let's begin with that.

Okay so friday was really tiring for me. Had lessons then options and then GM, which was considerably exhausting because I had a sleepover at sarah's after all that. So over at sarah's, while she was doing the slack job which was sleeping btw, xiu moe and I slogged to finish making all the presents. Which in the end we did! so hurraaah.

There you go, all our hard work (:

Okay, after netcarn training on saturday morning, val xiu and I headed back to sarah's house! On the way, we decided to prank chngyan and ruimin. Told cy that we were reaching her house at 1 to do presents (cos we know the juniors will be there early to prepare) and then called ruimin, told her we were heading down to hougang (instead of kembagan or however you spell it). Hehe, so exciting cos they kinda freaked out.We had lunch, slacked a little before going off to holland village to shop for our water guns or rather, Plan F. The ice cream we had was goood, yayy so we went back to sarah's house and started preparing our song!

The song wasn't easy to prepare, because we were rushing against time and not focused, and somehow we forgot the tune here and there. So lala, we headed down to cy's house and reached about 4.30. Wanted to crash the holding room but decided against it in the end. Waited patiently for our oh-so-quick juniors to prepare before heading over to the CC.

Haha, kudos to the games comm because the games we played are quite interesting and new, with the lemon and all. Thank goodness I didn't get a stomachache from the muffin which was decorated in a very disgusting manner, or you guys will get it! And captain's waterball was umm, pretty unsuccessful, mostly cos of ruimin's stupid intercepts which broke so many of them. But it was fun (: Thanks everyone.

Then came plan F, the moment the secfours have been waiting for. We whipped out our water guns and started spraying whoever that was slow in getting back to the house. Poor yitong was the worst, cos sarah was merciless in her flour-pouring. Naturally, we had a snowman in our tropical island. Ran all the way back with moe's super watergun, shot the juniors from a blind spot, and thanks to sarah, aldrea was covered with flour too! Hehe, I ambushed yitong btw. (:

Dinner time - natalie served me. We talked a little before the secfours headed up to the rooftop and continue with our song. It was nice to sing at the rooftop, cos the atmosphere was just greeeat. Prepared for our song, invented several moves for it before we went down for the final part of farewell.

Started off with chloe's superb dancing, never knew you could dance so well my dear junior! But the funny thing was the music came from a phone! Haha, but it was good, showed us another side to you. Thanks chloe (:

Secones present their waterbabies to us, hehe. So sweet of them, thanks you little kiddos!

Secthree's video. It was touching, cos it dated our journey with the trips, farewells, comps. Brought back precious memories (moe cried at this point). Somehow, kohyitong managed to get a PERSONAL photo. How, I have no idea but nevertheless, thanks. Received more gifts from them, then it was the teachers' turn to speak!

It was really heartwarming because I never thought that they would know us so well. For mrsban and mrschew especially, they've seen us grow up since we were little kids. Quote mrschew 'I first saw them as those cute little secones, and it has neve come to my mind that they would be leaving so soon'. Thank you teachers, for tolerating with all our nonsense. Frankly, I think without them, rgtt will be completely different as well. Thank you.

Haha, juniors put up a song performance later. Hehe, it was cute because umm, you could see some of them struggling to sing. And we thought natalie, ruimin and huiqi were gonna beatbox but who knew, they just wore their muppets for fun. -.- Seriously doodes.

Our turn next! Pretty embarrassing cos SOME people thought they knew the lyrics so well but ended up singing wrongly. We screwed up some parts as well, but yay I thought it went well because the secfours enjoyed it, and hopefully the rest did too! I'll post the video soon.

Okay..final surprise. They covered our eyes for this 'really surprise surprise'. I thought they were going to give us hamsters but noooooooooo, they smeared shaving cream all over us. And it really came as a shock, because we expected it to be something pleasant! But we should have seen it coming, because farewell went far too smoothly. Naturally, we went around smearing them, hugging them till all of them landed in our fate. (: Sweet revenge, and never underestimate what we can do alright.

So that kinda officially marked the ending of our farewell, some hung around to eat cake and icecream, photowhored for quite some time. Ended it on a very high note..

Mmh, I know the secfours didn't give a good concluding speech, but we did intended to. 'more than Words' was pretty appropriate to give our message, because we don't want you guys to think that the team's gonna be empty after we leave. Cos once you're in rgtt, you'll always be. As much as we'll be away from the team, there's still so many things we can do together! Thanks to my dear juniors, for making this farewell so special for us. It was really memorable, not so much on the events, but more on the thought and effort that you guys had put in for us. Never before would I thought I would attend the best farewell ever, but yall proved me wrong.

I'm glad that our batch has set an example for you, but I'm sure you guys can go even further than that. Of course, it's not going to be an overnight effort. That's why every single one of you must assist yitong, make that effort and create a more bonded, dynamic team.

Our thanks and love transcends beyond the words we speak, and the actions we do, because some things are 'more than words'. Thank you for all, really. And though only of us cried, we'll miss you.

So that was a wonderful closure to our four years in rgtt, and I guess I shall do some personal reflections now.. So click the red cross if you're not in for a emotional sharing.

4 years in rgtt fleeted by, and I still remember clearly how we use to tease moe till she cried, how the six of years lived the first two years with little bonding, we can still laugh and joke around as friends, but apart from that, there wasn't much. It was only till last year, something in me told me that our batch can definitely do better than this because I never wanted to regret. So I tried, called for batch outings as much as we could handle, and the one thing that made me proud of our batch is that all of us baked together! That was a turning point (:

So yeah, it wasn't easy for us to come together especially this year after nationals, where it was a dark period for us. But somehow we pulled through and crossed the finishing line together. Our four years were tough, because in between we did had slight internal conflicts (especially during nationals) where everyone is muddled with stress. Hard, but we did it. We came in as 6 dynamic people, and left as a dynamic batch. And thank you guys, for showing me that anything is possible if we just persevered.

As captain and well, 3 years in exco, I don't think I have done much. Half the time I'm reproaching myself for being an ass, and most of the time I let my emotions get the better of me. It was a tough time for me honestly, and I never knew that being a captain can be so tiring. Having to settle conflicts, due with this and then with that wow. I did break down at times, but it was the thought of making the team a much bonded one that I told myself not to give up . Thanks to teammates especially ruimin, yitong, sylvia, natalie, amanda, val that pulled me up. I've sacrificed much this year, especially my close friends, because I found it just so hard to be professional and handle things rationally, without your emotions interferring. I did hate myself, for accepting captainship because I never never never knew it would be so tough but I'm glad that I did.

Looking back, rgtt has given me the happiest moments ever. Like I've said, it used to be a CCA but not anymore. We are a TEAM of players, and a family. They've showed me that there's so much more to tabletennis than just results. Unforgettable experience with the tears and laughter, so thank you rgtt. (: I'll miss you loads. I'm happier to have known you guys than I'm sad to leave, soo please take care.

Okay, that kinda sums it all but I'll go on with it some other time.

Sigh.. Now with the saddening part. Okay, I'm crying now as I type this but please bear with me, because it's really important, to me.

To all who know that I owned a dog, waggie. And to waggie, and my family.

Waggie's got cancer, and she's leaving us. Sent her to the hospital on thursday night, but I guess she's never coming home. I doubt I can think clearly now, so all I am saying will be jumbled up. I never knew it would be so serious, can you imagine. Cancer, she was 'so healthy' according to the checkup one and the half month's ago, but today she's leaving us. SHE'S LEAVING ME. I didn't see her yesterday because of farewell, only saw her for a few moments on friday because of my tight schedule. And today when I saw her, she had a stroke. Lying in her cage, shivering and she did make some noises, I know she wanted to bark and show us how happy she was there. But it was not possible, she couldn't move much. All she could do, was to lay there and whine. And all I could do, was to watch her and cry.

The feeling sucks, I've never experienced losing someone so precious to before and when waggie has to be the first, it's just so painful you know that. I never know how to cope with a loss, and when the vet said the best decision was to let her go. I broke down even more. I was prepared I guess, but it came so unexpected. A few days ago, she was all barking happily. But now, she can't move much. Vet said the cancer cells were spreading, and by not letting her go, she's only suffering. I know, I saw the pain on the face, I saw how badly she wanted to come home with us. But she's never going to. She was okay on friday, went through blood transfusion yesterday, and today, she got stroke and her stomach's swollen.

I really have no idea what to say or what to do, all I could do was to carry her in my arms, and cry as she whined and shook. I could feel her pain really, but and I wanted her to leave happily without regrets, but it was so hard because I can never imagine life without her. For the past 10 years, she was there by my side. Each time I came home, she was so excited, jumping about and barking. 10 years. 10 years. 10 years.

I should have known better, about 2 weeks ago, she was already pretty upset. Before that, came my brother's departure for australia, then my eyas then zhenkor's staying at the hostel. She WAS LONELY. LONELY. And I should have spent more time with her. But I didn't, and she had to leave this world in pain, and alone. I'm sorry waggie, I should have done a better job.

Mummy said she waited one night for us, and I think she did. ONE NIGHT, struggling with cancer, laying down there, not being able to do anything. I'm sorry waggie.

)): Waggie Teh!

2007-09-13T06:20:00.000-07:00

Oh no oh no, as much as I'm trying to shrug off the fact that waggie's spending the night in the hospital, I can't cos the house is already empty as it is! Okay, although I know she's just staying there for a checkup, but sigh I really really hope that she's alright.

She's been acting weird for the past few days, and now she doesn't even want to eat when we feed her bread or apples?! Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmz, ahhhh.

Okay, but I guess I know where she's coming from. Probably misses my two brothers, especially the one in australia and yeaah, haven't been spending much time with her. )): Sorry dog.

Ohwell, let's see how things go tomorrow.

MALAYS

2007-09-12T06:20:00.000-07:00

Haha, aww. Today, Dian, Has, Fads, Nurul, Mary and Ani. Yeah, if you do the math I was practically surrounded by them and didn't notice until Dian pointed it out. And no far, they bullied me! Haha but the invisible blood vessles thing was cool: Hey, stop shrinking! Ahaha, and just nice 'malays' has six words so right now, they are called by their respective 'alphabets'. Love them though.

Math test? KILLER so yeah, let's leave that aside. Area of non-interference, lol.

Okay, farewell's approaching. Don't really know how I feel about it. Mmh, on one hand it's a RGTT event so yay! Team gets to hang out together and all, but then it's our LAST official rgtt gathering so.. Thank you juniors in advance, but doing so much to make it wonderful for us. (:

Options have been fine so far. Little red riding hoooooooooood. Miao.

Intend to go for training soon, hehe.

Riiiight, shall part now. Mmh, but shall play around with blogger's video till it's done. Then you can see how amazing my dear friend is.

Ohoh, zhong ji mi ma with dora, ruiling and poo was fun today! Rooocking, cos the forfeit was pretty much horrible. Chicken rice + chilli + loads of pepper+black sauce+pepper+chilli = BEST!

And talked to weikor after a few nights, miss him so much yknow that! At the end of the day, I guess we're all worried for the same thing. Okaaay, video's up so I'm out!

If your heart's not in it for real, please don't try to fake what you don't feel

2007-09-07T19:51:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't ask you to stay, I would rather walk away.

Holidays have been fiiine. Stayed at home to rot and watch Corner with Love, gymmed around and went out. AHHH, corner with love is so good. Okay considering the pathetic number of taiwan drama serials that I've watched, this is one of the best. Yaaay.

Trying to work out my quads again but I've seriously failed. Couldn't really keep the momentum going, but it's okaay I have more time to do so noow. And sigh, the dog has been sad for the past few days, or perhaps rather hostile towards me. Should have spent more time with her, but it's so hard cos you never know what a dog thinks right?

Okay, broken promises. My bad, sigh.

Watched ratatouille with ruimin and sylvia. Haha the two retarded dudes EVER, and natalie, I'm officially bullshit 3! Hehe, took over your place. Nah, I'm just kiddin'. Love my juniors eveeer. I FOUND SNOW BLIND TOO, WHEN I WAS WITH VAL. Val, reconsidering if I should lend you the book.. HMMM. Haha, but aww I miss her so much. Glad that we went out yesterday after a long long time, love you! (: No Reservations turned out better than expected, at least it didn't really leave us in an awkward situation. Haha

Out of the 3 netcarn practices we had, the highest turnout was 7. Haha, it's okaaay. We're gonna go wiiiiiiiild this year right right? Eh but darn it, I think I got sunburnt -.-

AND eh, my options are pretty interesting but I just realised that my SS clashes with my Lit, oh no this means I have to look for the teacher. Erps, well let's leave that to monday.

Parents are going to the 4 Asian Divas Concert tomorrow, courtesy of Zhen Kor and I. =DD Hope it will turn out as good as the newspaper claims.

Alrighty, going for a buffeeeet later. LOVE MY FAMILY =DD

Oh yeaah, farewell's next saturday. Juniors said that they have a lot planned for us; secfours! It's time for us to get going (literally and not)! Hehehe, we kinda know what's going on though xD, thanks to someone but ohwells, we'll see if it's true!

Taz!

Saaaahaaaaaa?

2007-09-02T07:01:00.000-07:00

Yeah, saha's the man. I love him to bits =D Okaay, but manutd prolly isn't gonna be so lucky the next time round so manutd has really got to put their act together or there'll be no champions league for us.

Okaay mean as it sounds, let's hope villa will win it later. (:

Hope your holidays have been fine so far. Mine is so no complaints! Anyway, teachers' day celebs on friday was the shizz maan, performances by students were kinda boring (sorry!). Till BLA came on and took the whole show. Haha we have cool teachers and principals so dig that.

Went back to pcps next, and it was so fun terrorizing the small kids. 'Stop running boy!' or 'Tuck in your shirt!' haha, should have seen the expressions on their faces. Classic. Wow, and the guys have changed so much! Especially xue ian, new guy in the makings. Pity xie lao shi was in china, cos the three of us were pretty excited to see her but ohwells, another time perhaps.

Yepp, that's mrs soo for you. (:

Things have been going pretty smoothly for the past few days so all's good I guess. Tas all, take care.

Aiyooo.

2007-08-28T06:29:00.000-07:00

What's up all doodes, just like what you'll see from any rgs sec four girls' blog.. EYAs are overzz.

Haven't been sleeping well with all the stress, what's keeping me to go on is just the caffeine. Aye, bad for health I know but yeaah, will be seeing the last of it. =D Dora will agree with me on this right? Haha

Papers were alright I guess, just didn't manage to finish some. Hopefully it turns out for the better anyhow. Contemplating if I should put up some embarrassing pictures that dora and I took yesterday when we were so stressed, but it was more of her actually (I didn't even get a thanks for cheering her up! )): Always mistreated by her but all I need now is PATIENCE to get us through right dude? Haha xD)

Oh, forgot what I'd wanted to saay.

Okayokay I recall now! Farewell's in 2 weeks time, and I'm quite excited but it ain't it's our farewell, but because I can spend time with the team again. Wahh, I really miss them yknow. Getting together with the team is always all about having fun, letting your hair down and go WIIIILD. Though we embarrass ourselves but who cares, rgtt goes through thick and thin together right! Haha, sigh can't believe I'm leaving them soon. Been with them for FOUR years, FOOOOUR years.

Time to start writing letters and buying presents! Pity sylvia the buidee isn't going though, will be missing you but all the best for your trip! And thanks in advance to the juniors for planning our farewell. (:

Okay, need to spend more time with my family. They've really kept me through this term, especially for the past week. I don't knooow, since my brothers aren't around that often anymore, I've got to step up to the role and make sure they don't feel lonely! And the dog ahh, sigh acting so weirdly lately and sometimes I get scared but ohwells, shan't think so much. There's aunty hermie's problem too, I feel so helpless yknoooow. AHH ): I miss ahwei kooor.

Digress! Talking about dogs, dora's dog snoopy humped my hand this morning. Yep, humped. Eyer, gross.

Okay, that's it for now. Oh yeaah, AND THE ONE THING THAT MAKES ME SO UPSET IS THE FACT THAT MANUTD HAS ONLY 5 POINTS FROM 4 GAMES. LIKE zomg, champions from last season with such a bad start. So now's the time for everyone to start wishing that chelsea, liverpool and arsenal will screw up somehow. Manutd'd better get their play right again.

Oh, and if you've been following my tagboard (which if you did, you actually have too much time haha xD) you realised there's something funny going on right. haha, but just remember, I'm not me and dian's not her. xD

Okayokay, parents are nagging. Have fun all! (:

Even Angels Fly Away.

2007-08-17T07:00:00.000-07:00

Many have left, many.

Ohwells, no point whining about it I guess, because it was my fault so. Sigh

Feeling so confused ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH.

SCREAMS SCREAMS SCREAMS SCREAMS SCREAMS.

Ever felt useless? I do, nearly all the time. Watching her cry was just an awakening call, made me realised how much I've missed her all these years. And that's only one, there's so many more around me.

Sigh, I just need some time off yknow. From the work and tests and people, to just be alone and reflect. I know it's the wrong time, but it's kinda draining it outta me. Too tired to do so these days..

Sorry to those I've hurt, sorry.

Photoblog!

2007-08-11T06:32:00.000-07:00

Aye, bringing the dog to the vet's sooooo troublesome, omz. She was barking and whining and biting. Heh, thank goodness for the muzzle. Brought her to the park with the parents, and came home smelling like a dog.

Quote of the day: Hanging out with a dog too often will make you smell like one. (No other meanings intended!)

Nats Day Celebs. Good job diaaaaan.

HAHA! In the GENTS backstage, dian says guys aim there when they pee. xD

412's performance! ding ding ding ding ding..!

Aw, isn't this just an adorable picture? <3

Lastly.. A shoutout:

STRESS..!

Yeah, I don't know if everyone else experiences it, but I guess we are all are afraid of it somehow eh. I am very, very scared. )): Oh, and I took coffee last night kept me up all the way to 5, and I lasted the whole day with only 4.5 hours of sleep. Zomg, too effective I tell you.

Mmh, been thinking much about the past too. And I know I am the kind that always allows my emotions to control me, yet I can't help it.

Happy 9 days to it all.

The Dog's Happy

2007-08-06T06:10:00.000-07:00

So glad that the dog's doing fine now, she was so moody yesterday such that she slept through the whooooole night and wasn't even a tad interested in anything else. Aye, sometimes I wish I can do more to accompany her and make her happy because I know she wants someone to play with her but I'm such a lazy ass pig that never keeps to my words. Sorry waggie.

caught while sleeping!

waggie: darn! caught in the act

Yay I love that dog sooo much. (:

Long holiday coming up for us so hang in there everyone, but it isn't like we're gonna get wild during that time. Typical rgs girls will be mugging at home, or rather typical secfour rg girl. About 20 odd days to the liberation galpals. Gross, who uses galpals.

Anyway, I think I think I'm onto something. Let's hope it turns out to be what I expected (: Thrilling yo. While I'm checking up on my first brother, my second brother hasn't been gone for a month yet it feels so long. And I know he's already missing the food, HAHA no surprises there. November's gonna be exciting.

EPL is starting soon and c'mon, community shield isn't enough. Manutd FTW for quadruple this season with that kick-ass signings.

Yknow, sometimes I feel like the saddest person on earth but when I look around, I have absolutely no reason to be! So whenever I'm feeling down people, remind me of what I have alright?

Okay, this post is all about disjointed thoughts. It's okay if you don't follow. Ohoh, some jokes and pick-up lines that fads and I were laughing about.

Pick-up lines.

If I'm a fly, you will be the shit cos I'm attracted to you.

(it's okay if you don't find it funny, just shows that fads has a warped sense of humour xD )

Joke #1

Fads was obscenely adjusting her 'blouse' during math today and I went like 'FAAAADS?! Why are you revealing. STOP IT' and she said 'PG lah okay PG' but I went 'NOOO, RA RA!!' HAHA, so funny if you were there please.

Okay maybe not but ohwells, you've gotta laugh at things sometimes to make life easier.

Ta all.

Hello World

2007-08-03T07:32:00.000-07:00

Week was okay, not much test except that I screwed up my orals pretty badly. Well, no use regretting now so let's hope for the best for eyas (which is in two weeks time -hyperventilates-)

Okay it's time for rhd photos now, will try to upload as much as I can. =D

Fads is trying too hard.

haha!

That's it for now! Internet is going screwy all again. Good weekend all!

The Great Escape

2007-07-30T06:45:00.001-07:00

Last chance to make it through.

And to think it fits so nicely into our situation now.

Hmm, I was just wondering. Have you ever been so satisfied and happy with your life and everything that you've got, not having a single worry/trouble on your mind? I guess there have been instant moments that were just filled with happiness but more often than not, we're just so caught up with our problems, that we've failed to see the little joys around us. Life isn't all a dull is it? Haha sshh, shut up yiyun.

Well, it's just nonsensical, incoherent ramblings from me now. But oh, I like this quote because it's so so true.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." Helen Keller

Into week 6 now. The fears are materialising as each day passes. I don't know what I'm fearing, stress, exams, results, loneliness? Sigh, suckxorz. I know I've mentioned this many times but, korkor's leaving for his course at NIE soon. And soon, it will be freaky for me to study late into the night. Lacking that reassurance that if anything goes wrong, I can't scream for kor to protect me anymore. He will be back I know, but the feeling's so different.

The room's already so bare, what's more with another one gone? Not like the dog's getting happier, she seems so tired now and I know it shows that her age is catching up with her, but there's more to it.

THERE'S NO ONE LEFT ALRIGHT. )):

Sigh. Take lah take lah, take whatever you want. When I'm left with nothing, then will I be happy.

Deserving?

2007-07-28T04:43:00.000-07:00

No one deserved to read that post, I didn't even deserve to be writing it.

Rough week, but we've got through it all which is both a blessing and achievement, but what lies ahead isn't gonna be smooth either. I feel guilty, spending 6 hours every night and just neglecting my family. Sigh

I need to learn to be a better person.
I need to know how to control my emotions.
I need to know how to accept others as they are.

有一天你会找回你的梦

2007-07-24T01:45:00.000-07:00

Current earworm.

Mmh, july's ending which means august is approaching. )): So many reasons why I dread it.

Sigh, I'm such a bad person ain't I. Yknow, there have been things that I've wanted to do, since a long time ago. But sometimes, I just can't be bothered to, even though I know how much it will make others happy. ))):

And sorry to you too, for not being a good friend.

Happy day everyone.

p.s/ rhd photos up soon.

phoootoooo time.

2007-07-15T05:06:00.000-07:00

Yep, let the pictures do the talking yo!

(from left to right) Ypoons, eiggaw and shleepy with their respective owners.

Haha look at fad's face! That is nicole's butt btw, she didn't realise that we were camwhoring with her butt.

nu-uh, we couldn't wait till lunch.

Okay, their failed attempt to be a handmaid. xD

Happeeee family. =D

Erps, my hair looks messed up. Haha fiona jie looks like a rabbit don't you think?

Haha, kor almost 'forgot' to hug fiona jie before entering. Aw, I hope they won't miss each other too much.

Last farewell photo.

Mmh, I think I'll have to get used to this. One less person at the table for dinner every night, guess it's time for me to step up and fill that. I will do that yeah. And I hope that I will be courageous enough to curb my emotions and not get irritated at my parents so easily. After all, I'll be the only one that won't be leaving. Hope that eoys won't make me drift away as well.

And anyway, dora and I had a pretty traumatic week right? Haha, no idea but I just felt like mentioning that. Sorry dora for being such an ass lately, kept asking for a 'breakup'. Haha dah, love you kay.

What's up with me and vulgarities and hokkien man? Shall stop all of it now. NOOOOW.

To end it off, a night out with the dude from melbourne (who doesn't look at the camera though)

Peace out, chinese and ss awaits me.

Take me away

2007-07-13T20:14:00.000-07:00

Boo, saturday's here. This means kor is gonna leave soon. ):

Okay never mind, I guess I should look forward to his return in november. Andand I like fiona jie!

Shall upload pictures soon. And junior's gone for good, hope he doesn't drop into the canal though. Erps.

People are leaving..

You promised never to leave

2007-07-09T08:21:00.000-07:00

Says who?

Haha people will always leave lah yiyun, eat that fact hard and good! So saturday's inching its way forward, and I know 3 months may not be considered long (yet) but it's just the reluctance to say goodbye. I wanna visit yoooooooooou.

And well, cos I'm acknowledging the fact that the house is gonna get emptier as the days pass.

Let me tell you about junior! It/She/He is a stray kitten that my brother picked up from the streets yesterday. And it's really adorable, but I doubt I'll be able to keep it for long. What's more, with the pesky nosey dog around..

I guess no matter how much you claim to know someone so one, you never truly do. Self-deception I call it, subconciously? And I'm sorry for that too.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
abotu a lifelong wait for a hospital stay.

You know, one thing I've learned never to be judgemental. Not that I never knew that judgemental wasn't exactly all good, but yeah over-doing it will only cause hurt. It's hard to resist the temptation to judge, but I guess looking at what's at stake when you do so, think twice? At this point, I'm probably left speechless and numb as well. I know sorry won't cut it, and this rift is indeed cutting us deeply but well, that's the price I've paid.

Chinese orals tmr. ZHEN ME BAAAAAN?

Wimbledon

2007-07-06T08:44:00.000-07:00

Oh no. Ana Ivanovic is losing to venus williams. ): But I guess that will leave us with an exciting match for the finals which I'm looking forward to. Henin-Herdanne ftw!

And I think Ivanovic is pretty.

Oh zhen kor's graduation night! Haha as much I quarrel and get pissed at him, I still love him very much. He will begin a new chapter in his life, and hopefully it will mark less quarrels with him. Which I think is very possible cos he's gonna be leaving to stay at the hostel soon enough. While the other one will be flying off to sydney next sunday. )):

Suckxorz lah.

Exco election results!

Captain - Koh Yitong
ViceCaptain - Sylvia look
Secretaries - Chng Yan and Qian Jialei and Samantha Wong
Cdiv captain - Elaine Tay
Cdiv vicecaptain - Tsai Si Ling

Level Coords - haiqing, natalie, chloe, ruimin and kaiying.

Quite glad about the results. I wish you guys all the best in leading rgtt'o8! Don't let us down alright! (:

Sorry

2007-07-04T07:34:00.001-07:00

Sorry to everyone. I guess I shouldn't have said things like that. I'm in the wrong I know, but there's always two sides to things and sigh, I hope things will turn out fine tmr.

White Flag

2007-07-04T05:35:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling so lost right now, and I doubt there's anything left for me to say then.

You win hands down, I give up.

I can walk up to you andf give you my life.

The Eyes

2007-06-30T09:34:00.000-07:00

It's so hard to be yourself.

Pa I miss you.

Together, we'll conquer the ant kingdom.

2007-06-29T07:48:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to the ant kingdom.

I really really want to go right up to you, and just say 'bitch' in your face, but something is pulling me back, apart from my other friend. And yeah I probably lacked guts, the guts to face what might come after that, the guts to see what you will do to us.

What have YOU done to us? Destroyed her life, took away her happiness, made her sad and self-conscious of her actions. You made both of us cry, and left us standing at the crossroads. Well done, you have successfully crafted your masterpiece, wanna have a shot to make it into a movie?

I really don't get anything that yall are doing, if you're trying to solve the problems DO IT OPENLY. What's up with backstabbing and bitching behind our backs? Lacking the courage to come face us because we are an 'exclusive clique' AWWW. Why don't you come join us then? (which we'll never include you)

What's your ulterior motive? To rob everyone of their happiness and spread rumours about things? Well, you've done it and there you go, you got what you want. But I know that this isn't just gonna stop here, you won't be happy with whatever we do anyway. Tell me if I'm wrong.

And oh, what's up with the pretense you're putting up huh. If you like me, show it. If you don't, SHOW IT. Don't act like a freaking pingpong bat, with the red and the black and the red and the black. Oh haha, I forgot, I can totally just tear it off. Would rather play it with the wood then use the skins, oops I mean YOUR skin.

Okay, maybe I do seem like a bitch now, with all my ramblings here. But do I have the right to? I don't know, if you had the right to, then well, since we live in a democratic world, all's fair huh.

We'll never be left alone, so I know there's atough term ahead of us. Just remember, two can play the game.

And hollander olsen, I love you (:

Over you

2007-06-22T08:25:00.000-07:00

<3>

Earworm for the whole daay.

Anyway past few days has been fine! Studying and slacking and sleeping and the whole cycle repeats itself. But I enjoy it pretty much, except that I'm kinda mad at myself for not being able to wake up and go swimming (it has happened for 2 times!)

Training on tuesday was rocking, apart from the fact that my skills are taking a rollercoaster ride. Played well last week and it just took a dip this week. But we had fun cos the secfours beat the rest of the team which consists of like 10+ people. Okay lah, the score was 10-9 but the point was that we won. FINE NATALIE we were a little cocky. You said we won though soo (: Bobohead ahma didn't play -.-

Oh and I'm sorry sarah cos I pulled out the tissue from your nose ><><

Basketball-pingpong game tied 1-1 with natalie, while elaine's the overall loser. HAHA xD

Monopoly at val's was fun today. Haha I built so many houses and zomg, like the the number of houses I had were more than the number of times people landed on my property. Jieying/Veronica is darn lucky too, she earned 7K from free parking!

Yeap, school's awaiting to embrace us again. Buckle up mates, for there's a rough term ahead. (:

What makes a Friend

2007-06-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

You know, sometimes I don't mind going back to 2006. Painful and hurting and sucky I know, but at least that can be exchanged for something else, and it will all be worth it.

Sigh, I really want to move on, who would want to keep clinging onto the past while everyone else has already gotten on with their lives.

Haha I do get scared sometimes, especially with my knee. I know there was this night, when I woke up all of a sudden, started scratching my thigh and then there was a sudden acute pain. Night before we had SS and ENG paper I know. Freaked me out that I almost nearly cried. There were other times too, that brought me back to last year. That pain, and the stupid things I do to kill myself like squatting down even though I absolutely knew it will go off. What about the days of waiting for my knee to go off and counting down to my operation..

A year ago. That's fast, it was a year ago. Right now it doesn't really haunt me, but I'm kinda still scared of it. Haha and there are times when I laugh it off. Mmh

Feel like letting it all go. There was this period of time when I survived on my painkillers to numb the pain on my leg, if you see me running off during training halfway for a 'gulp of water', you know that is the time. But zomg, they were so effective and I knew I was reliant on it. Yeah, it did helped me with my training. Kept it a secret cos, well it was so gonna affect my chances for making main team. Right now looking at it, doesn't seem like a big deal. Gosh, I was so freaaking dumb. Sigh, but I'm off it now. Knee doesn't hurt after exercise anymore so I guess it's a thumbs up. Don't worry peepz.

WHY AM I EVEN BRINGING ALL THESE UP.

ZOMG, yiyun you're so pathetic.

Haha and you know what, I'm moving on now.

Where'd you go, I miss you so.

2007-06-14T08:33:00.000-07:00

I think I have been a mean person lately - saying things that I ain't supposed to, thinking about things that I ain't supposed to, and feeling things that I ain't supposed to.

And I'm sorry if I hurt anyone yeah. Sorry that I'm insensitive and all.

Sigh sigh sigh. You know, I've been reading posts from last year, and don't you always feel like a bloke when you read your archives? I do yknow, like a childish ass trying to make sense of life. I haven't always been a person who can articulate my feelings very well and yeah, that amplifies how I feel when I read the posts.

Haha, it's always this case right - Looking back at your life and just wonder why you can't be more matured and rational in your thoughts. But at that point of time, where we've lost everything and anything that's meant to be, are we entitled to?

Ew, I pity readers who come to my blog. You guys must have suffered a whole lot.

People came and left, people left and came too.

Have a happy life everyone, and peace out like my friend here.

It's so hard to move on when you want to, because there are just some precious memories that are dragging you back , even after a year has passed.

Hello fellow paaaals!

2007-06-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

Kinda not bugged about my brothers missing from this home cos I talked to them about it yeah. (: loves the brothers and the parents yooo!

Yep, past few days have been slackaaaye but I ain't studying alright! Attempting to study is probably the phrase for it. Sentosa outing with the team today and it was fun! Glad that everyone is cool like that huuh.

Pictures and photowhoring time! Hehe the 4D matrix theatre was quite a waste of time and moola, don't try it if you ever go there.

Yes val, we know your sunglasses look hawwt.

Batch photo before the luge ride. Haha we're all raring to go with our helmets and fine, tickets? Oh and before that, sam arrived in her mom's car when we were expecting her to arrive by foot. How whaaacked is that yo.

sectwo batch photo!

photos from the luge ride! beautiful right/ride? Haha it was quite high up and getting scarier each moment. Erps.

If you look reeeeally closely, you see val and sylvia and sam in front. Haha

Okay okay, cmi at self-whoring I know I know.And zomg, my face looks bloated and big.

Val has finally found her perfect sunnies and the NOSE to fit it with. Ooh, she looks matured.

Natalie's tongue has found it's place.

Needless to say, action speaks louder than words. Look who's checking herself out.

Acting cool HUH. Haha xD

(: <3

Okay.. observe carefully for the next picture..

Any idea what this is..?

Okay time to reveal the answer!

Bingo! Valerie has transformed into a bisexual mermaid or perhaps, female hermaid. I guess you should have figured what the previous picture is showing right. Haha

Cappies dooodes (:

Isn't the island at the back nice! (:

Aw.. sandcastles. =D Don't they look happy and peaceful.

Time to pack and go home! Last outing picture for the day! (: The pink girl on the extreme right is heh, a little extra but yeah, we'll leave her out of it.

Yaaaay! We left the beach saying 'bye beach bye beach, and after that we started directing it at each other. Haha
Haha back at vivocity. (: tadaaah

Got a problem huh.

Look for her then.

I caught all of them in the air! (:

Haha kinda done with the photos, but I may post more when I get them from the rest! (: Weather was good, accident-free, TIME WITH THE TEAM - what more can one ask for? Is your team cool like that yoo. xD

Yay I think all of us had a good time even though only half the team turned up. Love you guys alright. (: The secfours will be bidding their farewell soon so erps, let's not think about that for now.

Take care all, hopefully I'll be back soon.

loves!

ZOMG

2007-06-04T06:01:00.000-07:00

Aw, The Holidays hasn't even ended and I'm already dreading term 3. ):

My brothers won't be home - Zhenkor will be staying in the hostel and weikor will be flying off to australia. What about me huh! How can you bear to leave your sister alooooone.

Okay fine, my parents and auntie and the dog and perhaps my grandma will be around too. But, the house will be empty yet again. You know what, waggie's gonna be upset too and right now, she isn't exactly in the best of moods cos all she does it laze around at home and well, I kinda know she isn't happy.

One less person to watch football with on the weekends (thank goodness for zhenkor), ZOMG. What about early morning matches on the weekdays! Who will be there to watch it with me? ): Weikor please don't leave, I promise you I'll support arsenal too. Zhenkor don't leave too, I'll be a good girl and listen to you.

AHHHH, why is everyone leaving ): It will be so much worse when my dad leaves for business. Sigh ):

I'm really not looking forward to term 3, apart from the studies, I thought I could get by it because at least my family's with me..

BUT NOW. ZOMG.

Boooooo.

On another note, the holidays have been fine but scary. Scary to see people mugging day after day, motivation's the key here I know. But over-motivation..?

I don't know, just a thought.

PARTY POOPER

2007-05-30T08:33:00.000-07:00

YES. ZOMG, you've ruined my mood.

Okay fine, I shall take a chill pill and attempt to cool down.

Haha, anyway pictures from a long time ago. Just felt like posting them

Haha don't we look like a happy family?

Don't ask. xD

CHEESE (or chocolate)

Close up! (:

Newly-found da-da

Bonjour escargot delifrance?! Haha

Big Girls Don't Cry

2007-05-28T08:52:00.000-07:00

Hello friends, how have your lives been?

Ritz carlton yesterday night with sponkayyz was da bomb maan. Dinner and olly's 45th birthday and boat ride and hotel was more than anyone could have asked for. Haha, I can't believe 4 years just passed like that. I can totally remember how we first hung out and got to know each other and all. Haha all the stupid things we did, like seriously seriously stupid. I'll say more when I get pictures from my homies and I love you sponkayyz <3

I think we're so coooool. Cos not many still hang out with their sec1 classmates. Okay fine, perhaps some still do but ohwells.

Mmh, things have been happening lately, and they aren't exactly pleasant. Booyah, I just don't see the purpose in doing so. Why come between people? Just what's wrong with hanging out and playing around with people you enjoy being with? Maybe cos you ain't one of them?

I don't know the answer alright, but I can't ignore it either cos there are people you're hurting here my dear friends, and I don't know what your true intentions are but it really sucks to see my friends getting hurt because of the ~~distorted~~ things you've been saying. Really, what ARE your true intentions? To clear things up or to 'clear'?

I know I am in the wrong here to judge you, and yeah I apologise for that. But perhaps, you've left me with no choice here.

More later homies.

The song of my heart

2007-05-23T08:04:00.000-07:00

How can I change the world cos I'm sure I can't change your mind.
Gotta get to you somehow.

Hello friends, life has been a seesaw for me lately, how about yours?

Sigh, somehow I wish I can be a much better person. I'm a freaking 16 year old but my immaturity reflects otherwise. I know it's wrong for me to think that way, but is it really my fault. Am I just being oversensitive about this whole issue ):

I know there's always a reason behind everything but but, am I entitled to feel the way I'm feeling?

I'm sorry alright. Sometimes I really wanna be a big fat ostrich and bury my head underground and just ignore everything and everyone. But ostriches don't have a good life too.

Upset and demoralized. Guess I shall just let my work pile for another night.

Where are you
where are you
to listen to the song of my heart.

Yknow, I've been looking back for this past semester, reflecting on my achievements and regrets. Well, not much of achievements to speak of cos I've never done anything that I feel proud of. Tonnes of regrets to begin with, starters being: not cherishing loved ones, getting irritated at them for some petty reasons, losing the people I treasure, and making others hate me. Mind you, all of which I score 100 marks for, and how I wish all these could have been tests instead.

What about your regrets?

Mmh, know how I deal with them? I run away, yes, it's a sign of cowardice but to me, that's the only way out. I don't know, each time things happen, especially THAT, the first thing I wanna do is to be alone. Yes, pitiful as it may seem but what else can I do? I'm not brave enough to overcome it on own, and the one thing I do best at will be to hide and just, mull over it till the next day cos sleep, more often than not, cures it.

Sigh, I need help. ):
WHERE ARE YOU. )':

Thriller!

2007-05-18T02:12:00.000-07:00

DID YOU SEE MY SEXAYYE CLASSMATES DANCE TODAY?

Yep, had a cool funky book day. It was really really exciting and fun, haha. And suckxorz cos I was wrecked out just seconds before our item started. But hey, we pulled it through! (: All that worry for nothing.

KUDOS TO 412 (flora especially!) for designing such a wonderful playbill. =D And thank you sherrie and haaaas too, for putting in so much effort.

Erps, never was a drama person and never will be.

Haha yay love you 412, glad that all of us enjoyed ourselves. As dora and mary would put it.. 'AWESOOOME'!

Doesn't the poster look so absolutely good?! Haha more pictures up when I get them from ruiling.

On a side note, things haven't been looking too good, or so I think. I don't know, each time I see sad faces around I'll get affected too. It pains me to see them, and especially when I can't help at all. Heh, many things have been happening laaaah, perhaps too many. I'm sorry that I haven't been a good friend. Sigh. ): Haha but I guess the others will make up for it right.

Don't you just hate it when past memories haunt you? Argh.

Suckxorz lah.

Ohwells, anyway. One training per week policy just commenced and it isn't exactly a happy thought. I used to look forward to training SOOOO much in the past, that's the getaway man, from schoolwork and stress and whatnot. Fun times. I can assure you that rgtt has been one of the bestest things in my rglife. Training was total coolios on tuesday with the captains ball and badminton (which val and I cheated majorly in). Haha xD

Treasure the times my dear juniors, for time passes sooner than you think. (AND YES, yall will be missed dearly by the secfours :] )

Lalalalalalalalife is wonderful. I wish so.

Take care my dear pals, I'll leave yall here.

2007-05-11T08:26:00.000-07:00

Hmm, is it just my computer or is blogger kinda screwed?

Howells, all's been quite good lately. Killer midyears are over but killer results are soon to come. But whatever.

Yknow, I did something stupid today. There are times when things look so normal and just within moments, they change. And I would admit that it's my fault most of the times, for how things turn out to be. Haha sorry cos I really can't handle friendships well. Half the time my insensitivity and dumbness and stupidity leaves me in oblivion to my surroundings. I don't know if people around me feel it, especially you. Mmh, but just wanna apologise. Sorry to you.
(you should know who you are, even if you don't feel it i'm feel bad about it)

I'm a coward ain't I.

But hey, that's who I am.

Oh, and you know I love my friends right.

First training since comps and it was fun playing stupid things with xiu! Haha the score's still tied at 9 a piece!

No idea when I'll be back. Till then.. MANUTD WON EPL. Haha sorry chelsea (and their fans) try harder next season. =D

Champions

2007-04-28T05:43:00.000-07:00

I'm proud to say: We are the champions.

Something that's even better than that: It's rgtt who had won it.

Night before finals wasn't a pleasant night with idiotic people giving me idiotic stuff to do and because they are so freaking irresponsible. Okay don't let it ruin your mood. Let's go on to the big day.

Things didn't go too smoothly when we first arrived at tpsh. Firstly, the supporters didn't know where to sit. And secondly, cdiv couldn't be with us which was quite upsetting cos they were all raring to go. But nevertheless, we settled the souvenirs and we did raffles sha for the last time. <3

Haha, emotions went out of control when we saw their lineup but nothing could bring us down; we were there for revenge and we were there to win it. Jingjing played a great match but still succumbed to defeat 3-0 against isabelle. You did well jing2, no worries alright. You still have next year for your revenge. Ruimin and Kaiying were doubles no.1, and wow you should have seen the way they got through their match. Piak piak piak piak. Woo, heavenly.

Chinadoll aka huiqi was up next against zena, and although we were ready to fight our hearts out, it was kinda dampening because we had to win this if we wanna win, and frankly chances were hard. BUT GUESS WHO ACCOMPLISHED IT. Huiqi did and you should have witnessed the excitement and euphoria. Thank you huiqi, you've put up a great fight. (:

Everything was boiled down to wanxiu and wenyi - the deciding match. We knew that chances of winning it would be hard if the score was played to 2-2. But hey, we'll never go down without giving our best shot. Guess what. We beat them 3-0 straight! Down to the last set, they were trailing 10-3 but with the loud cheering base and the fighting spirit, we chased up one by one by one till it was a draw at 10-10. Raffles then went on to defeat sports school with a score of 14-12. Haha that match was love please. Good job doubles, you've gotten your revenge. (:

All the pain, tears and shouting was of worth to mark this season's closure. We cried and slogged and pained, but just being able to hold the trophy once again is an honour, as well as a privilege. Frankly I don't really deserve lifting that trophy up because I know that others have contributed so much more than I did. But to receive congratulations from others, I felt proud. Proud to say that my team has gotten champions for two years running.

Thank you prefectorial and peer support board for leading the supporters and thank you supporters for cheering so loudly. Despite the distance, we could hear you from our side and it's something impressive considering the number of supporters. =D Thank you for being so supportive of rgtt (:

To the players: Yall have did A FANTASTIC JOB this whole season and everything paid off! Thanks for all guys, words can't express the love I have. Especially to my sectwo doubles kaiying and ruimin, who were severely under immense pressure but hey, you guys managed to conquer it. Proud to say (:

To the team: TEAM! Raffles girls' Table team! (oops or is it tennis? xD) Haha, I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH. Thank you for showing such determination and team spirit yesterday, we really showed them that we're not to be messed around! Haha you guys still have long way to go from here. And Cdiv, you guys did not falter. What I saw there last week was just pure mental strength and all, you guys have more much ahead of you. Last words: treasure the time you have with the team

To the secfours: Ah, my loves! I'm glad that we had spent 4 amazing years together with each other. The first two years were just fleeting moments that had gone by us so quickly and I think we bonded so much more after nationals 2005. I never regretted joining rgtt, never regretted knowing you guys. Yall had showed me that there's more to life apart from studies. Haha you know I look forward to trainings because I know that's when I can just release myself from work and have fun. And cos, we know how to have fun too. (: I guess I'll save this mushy words for farewell. <3

To the exco: Haha you guys did great in leading the team this year! This is where the secfours kinda officially step down from our positions, and it's time for you kiddos to lead rgtt to greater heights and continue the legacy yeah? I have faith in you. (:

To the teachers and coaches and parents: Guidance and englightenment was what yall have given us, especially during our down moments. Thank you. And for celebs, aunty eunice! and uncle tsai, you made celebs so fun =-D

Haha, yeah. Hidden behind the euphoria and tears was the reality that we are soon to part with the team. This has and always will been a fact: people leave. And I thank you all for giving me such a wonderful in all my 4 years, though there were times when I was unreasonable and demanding, you guys always stood by me. Yesterday, I got my dream and my wish. Dream was to win it all and we did. 28 hearts all out for one single dream - that was what I had wished for all along. Thank you for everything, EVERYTHING.

Team dinner was wheee, we had cake and cake! Then came our beautiful teeth-flashing pictures =DD. Bowling was really fun, it was wheee-ier. Some of us should really just stick to tabletennis like sylvialook. HAHA erps. Sorry and boboheads shouldn't snatch people's turns. YOU KNOW WHO YOU AREEEE.

Haha, pictures up some other time. Ooh, but I have batch photos and one non-batch photo!!

Haha Yay go us. =-D

<3>

I will follow you into the dark

2007-04-25T03:29:00.000-07:00

The week has been good so far. Well, and it's just getting more nervewrecking with finals ahead of us in 2 days time.

Napfa on monday was seriously wtshizzzz. Haha I jumped a 1.25 metre can't you believe it! Haha it's not even a 'E' ahh it's quite embarrassing to retest it in front of soooo many people. Tsk, but I really wanna thank 412 for being so encouraging, especially nurul! (: Yay I love my class.

RS presentation was disappointing. Sigh, but we have nowhere to turn to even if we get the most irresponsible mentors ever. And as I have been telling everyone, this whole project was student-driven. And I love my cmps group as well, for getting through all of these together. (: Go us!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUNTY HERMIE AND WAGGIE TEH WEI BA. =-D Yay loves of my life.

I've been getting dizzy spells. And I feel extremely guilty cos I slept for 7 hours yesterday. ): The whole room was just spinning and spinning but all's well now =D

Haha, talked to maomao just now. I miss talking to her despite half the things she says reflect her stupidity and immaturity.. Haha am I right zeslene! (:

Mmh as you can already see! I am in a good mood today, so cherish it while you can before the stress and nervousness starts setting in and wreck me mad. And we have history remedial on saturday and doh it clashes with celebs and most prolly outing @ sentosa! Either or right eh.

Ahaha, chem and physics paper tomorrow. Good luck to you and me!

Wrecked angel

2007-04-21T05:48:00.000-07:00

RGTT NEEDS YOUR SUPPORT

27th April 2007 - Friday
Match starts at: 2pm
Opponents: Singapore Sports School

Others: Your support is deeeeeply appreciated. Please come down. And the good news is, just link from my blog to inet!

http://inet.rgs.edu.sg/school/students/Lists/Calling%20for%20supporters%20for%20B%20Division%20Tabletennis/overview.aspx

There you go, short and sweet.

And I don't know why I'm stressing out over unimportant stuff. Maybe I'm just trying to convince myself that I'm needed during this period when in fact, I am not or there would be no reason why I'm feeling discouraged. You don't see others doing this in the past few years, and perhaps I see the light now.

I don't even know if I'm on the right track, and that's why I am so muddled and upset all these while. If I had set things right, nothing would have gone wrong yeah? Mmh.

I feel like puking and my body seems feverish.

I would rather..

2007-04-17T04:51:00.000-07:00

Lose with this team than win with any other.

Yeah, Cdiv lost to Cedar in finals today. But I really have to applaud my juniors for a brilliant fight. I know that there were times in the match that I wasn't there, because it was just to hard to endure the thought that double champs may be no more, but yall really never gave up, especially the second doubles.

It was only halfway through when I realised that, it might not be possible to bag two golds this season.

I guess I was complacent about this finals, thinking that it isn't actually quite tough to win Cedar, considering our marvelous performance against them during Q-finals. But that was how I felt, and now it just proves that complacency gets you nowhere.

Disappointment definitely accompanies defeats, and yeah we did cry. Cried that they've trained so hard yet loss, cried that double champs seemed so near yet so far. All along the focus was on double champs and double champs and double champs, we did consider the obstacles that hindered us along the way, but I guess when it came to finals, everything was taken for granted (mainly cdiv's match). And that's why reality hurts so much because the fear had finally materialised.

I'm sorry for not being able to stay strong, and crying like a freaking ass.

I'm not saying that it's always about winning, but it always feels good to win. But rgtt! We aren't losers alright, we've displayed the spirit of champions and we fought like one too. AND I FORBID anyone of you to blame yourself because we win as a team, we lose as one too. So if you think you've caused us to lose, go reflect on the word 'team'.

Cry and complain and get mad all you want now, but tomorrow we shall stand strong and come back up again. No doubt, this defeat will just spur us on for the greater times.

Kudos rgtt for being one of a kind. Would rather lose with yall than win with any other team.

From the bottom of my heart, I love you rgtt. Let's bring it on next friday.

I should have known better

2007-04-15T00:17:00.000-07:00

Mmh, have to rush loads of stuff this weekend. Mmh, kind looking forward to next week cos there's finals on tuesday where my beloved cdiv is playing for gold! If you've failed to sign up, TOO BAD.

Okay you can make it up by going on the 27th of April to support the bdiv.

Anyway, dig this picture.

Haha interesting isn't it. But if I keep saying this (even as a joke), moe will say that I'm crude. SOME PEOPLE just can't accept jokes. Nononono, I'm not implying that it's you moetianhee.

Mmh, we finally have some breathing space in week5, at least the tests are out of the way which is a plusplus sign but that means eois are approaching. Bobo heeead.

Undiscovered

2007-04-09T05:12:00.000-07:00

Ah, most beautiful song ever and with his sexy, raspy voice.. =D

If you dig a little deeper you'll find, we're all the same as each other.

WHO GOT INTO FINALS. RGTT DID, not just one division, but both. Which means that double champs is nearly within our reach, but complacency isn't the way to get about it so I'm warning you guys in advance.

On another note, jingjing won yanzhen today. Good job jing2 (:

Cdiv Finals - RGS VS CEDAR. Yeah, we've gotten them 5-0 once, but repeating this feat isn't gonna be easy again. So all the way juniors, it's your turn to shine and prove to the world that we are more than just a team. (:

Bdiv Finals - RGS VS SSP. Tough match, seriously. But no worries, we have utmost confidence in our players yeah. All the way rgtt.

Mmh hmm, please come down if you can. RUILING IF YOU SEE THIS, WE NEED CMU ALRIGHT. =D I'm so gonna drag you down as well.

Raffles whaaat?
Raffles SHA!

Raffles whaaat?
Raffles SHA!

Raffles whaaat?
Raffles SHA SHA SHA SHA SHA!

and if the angels came

2007-04-08T05:23:00.000-07:00

I'm not lost, I'm not lost just undiscovered.

Nice song by james morrison, check it out when you have the chance to.

You know, words can really make or break you. After what moe told me the other night, my world didn't exactly come crushing down, it was just, pain. Isn't it amazing how you think you can handle it all but when the truth gets slammed into your face, you realised that you weren't strong that you had thought you would be. Haha, the ironic thing is that I told her to tell me.

Whee, smart move yiyun. =D

The more I think about it, the worse it became, and now it has left me in a situation where I have zero motivation. All I get now is this numb feeling that paralyses me, and I really don't feel like doing anything for anyone at all now. Cos you know, you've slogged and tried and worried for days and nights but not only is it not working, it's not even appreciated (don't try to console me and say it is because it's just words alright).

Am I trying too hard? AM I? So you may think that I am the most demoralising captain ever because of all these saddening posts that yall don't need now, I DON'T CARE cos I'm outta here alright. If you think I got my position because of my leg injury, go ahead and do so cos I'm really gone for now. Oh fyi, that hurts you know.

Am I in the wrong of trying to make things work? How come it seems like I'm the only one concerned with what's happening now? So getting double champs is the only important thing for now? BE THAT WAY THEN.
I may be different from how fel and mellim and melguay works, but is it my fault. Can't ANYONE, at least a humane soul, see that I'm trying so damn hard. Each time some thing goes wrong, I get the blame; I am the bad guy. Aw, that's so sad. But does anyone even care?

And I don't even know why I'm feeling this way. But yeah whatever, do what you want to do now. I am gone so go drink your champagne.

Byebye world.

BOUNCE!

2007-04-06T12:14:00.000-07:00

Yay let's all bounce with me, up down up down. =D

Mmh hmm, life has never been better cos you know playing the role of a bandit is definitely more thrilling than being the goody-two shoes, haha don't you agree with me you big wide world? =DDD

Haha, what can you do, all you do is rotate on your own axis and revolve around the sun. Haha but you know what? I'll treat that as a yes, but remember that next time when I fly to space, you gotta give me a tour round the galaxy.

Yay, it's 3.17 in the morning now and I'm all hyped up! -bouncebounce- Whee, be the bad guy and prove people right! That's how life should be shouldn't it? =D

-bouncebounce-

-bouncebounce-

-bouncebounce!-

You know, motto of the post: Be the bad guy! =D

Kudos to rgtt

2007-04-04T05:43:00.000-07:00

Go raffles go raffles go bring them down bring them down.

Thriller of the thrillest today. Cdiv was up against cedar and we won 5-0! Proud of my juniors who fought so hard and they got their revenge back from their defeat during zonals. Haha, and I'm sure it wouldn't stop here. Aye, but the matches took quite some time and by the time the 3rd match ended, everyone was half dead.

Everyone knew we had to seize the chance if we wanted a easier route to double champs, and that means to win sports school and kick them out (plus do nytt a favour). Though we had suffered a defeat from them, it was still an awesome fight. Quote MrNg: 'It was the best bdiv performance I have seen so far this season' and that sums it all. But goodness, it was nervewrecking and I mean it in the literal sense. Cheering by the sidelines and I can already tear my hair out, haha things must be worse for those on court.

We lost 3-2, and yeah no one likes to lose. But hey, we've displayed probably the best team spirit today and it was heartening to see everyone cheer so hard, haha to the point where sportmanship meant nothing to us. Okay fine, that was only for a very short while. Heck what the rest say about our team, we fought well. Yay. (:

This will DEFINITELY push us further to get our deserved revenge, but there's still an obstacle in the way, which is semi-finals on monday. Cdiv is playing nytt, while bdiv's gonna slog their guts out against stnics. We WON'T let our guard down, never.

From here till the end of season, it's our dream that's gonna motivate us to do better and to strive for more. And I do hope we have the same dream in mind, and just in case in the midst of work and stress management you've forgotten what rgtt has set for this year.. it's double champs. Ho, and I can assure you, nothing's gonna be able to stop us, so all you schools out there better watch your back.

Kudos to rgtt, 2 matches left. Let's sha all the way to victory! (:

We'll be back again, mark the words.

Everybody yeaah.

2007-03-30T06:53:00.000-07:00

We are halfway into our season, with 4 more matches left. Q-finals on wednesday is gonna be a nervewrecking one, but nevertheless, rgtt's just gonna shashashasha all the way. =D

Anyway, I guess the previous emo(?) posts were just demoralising and perhaps uncalled for but thanks you people who tagged. (: You don't know how much that means to me yeah. And no worries, for I've straightened my thoughts and I've matured along the way.

After all, it's all about rgtt. It's only about rgtt. But I'm still sorry for being such a lousy person, for not being with you guys and instead mulling over my own selfish issues. Just want you guys to know that I love yoooooooooou.

And you, I guess all's over huh. Be that way, because as long you're happy, anything's fine with me.

Tough term ahead for all of us, good luck conquering it.

Tears and rain

2007-03-26T05:01:00.000-07:00

Hmm, guess the last post was a little inappropriate isn't it?

I know some of you would probably wonder why I'm so affected by this whole issue since 'life is not all about being in the main team', and instead I should steer all these angst and energy into supporting the team. Well for starters, not many had a misfortunate accident like I had last year. I hate to harp on the past, but yknow, sometimes it's really hard to imagine how it would have been if nothing happened. Then again, anything could have happen so you can't bet on it.

I am not giving up, but I'm losing hope.

Why it matters so much to me.. Well, in all my 4 years in rgtt and yes, this year being the 4th, I've never really done anything that I'm actually proud of. For the two years that I was on court, I have never ever played well and I guess that's why I wanted to make this season work so badly. But hey, I am not saying that I am better than any of you out there alright.

Yes, I'm aware that I can still contribute in many ways. But how? Each day I can worry myself with the same problems repeatedly and all I come to is a dead end. Lending hand anyone?

Haha, well a month till season's closure which means my term as captain is concluding soon. It's saddening yeah, cos that means we will be starting to leave the team. It does seem pretty fast, considering the lapses in training and holidays and exams and now nationals. Currently waiting for bdiv's draw. Go rgtt!

Just to avoid disappointment, I ain't pinning my hopes on unrealistic issues anymore. HAHA then again, what's fantasy and what's reality. How do you know what you can get and what you can't get?

Mmh whatever, it's just tears and rain.

find comfort in pain

2007-03-23T06:21:00.000-07:00

My junior asked why I looked so moody during training. Did I really?
but all I did was sit and stare at them play.
Life EFFING STINKS. I don't get it! Why do people have to put on brave fronts?! WHY WHY WHY. What's with the WHOLE DAMNING ISSUE about 'staying strong, and keep the faith burning and i'm sure things will get better just stay strong'? They are ALL LIES. ALL LIES. Not lies told to you by someone else, but you have been deceiving yourself all along tehyiyun. some people are just so lucky, i don't get it.

I'm sorry if I've lied to you when you asked if I'm okay, sorry to say but I ain't. I AM NOT OKAY. I am not okay.. I AM NOT.

They are just lies; LIES. They delude you and just bring you to this other world where you and only you live in your own damned fantasies. Well, I've been played like that all along. You can continually convince yourself that yes this tiny weeny miracle may just appear any time soon, but you know what? Each time I walk out of that place, I feel different. That's cos I enter with my hopes slightly up, and I exit with them crashing down on me. I really really want it. ): I would seriously give anything up for it, even my captainship. I mean sigh. that was prolly the last thing I've pinned my hopes on. and now.
But you know what my birthday wishes were? Last year, I wished we got double champs and that my leg would heal. This year, I wished for double champs, and that's it. guess it's the sacrifices you've gotta make if you want this to happen yiyun. you WANT this to happen.
Am I entitled to feel this way? I don't know, sigh.

I wanna run away from all of these.
take me away. but where are you? I've lost you too.
and i'm crying as i type this, everything just wasn't meant to be.
Find comfort in pain
it's just tears and rain.

Lifeeffingstinks

2007-03-21T06:33:00.000-07:00

I've tried so hard but you just keep getting further away. And hence, it ends here for me alright.

And sigh, I ain't trying to be superwoman here and I hope you don't see me as one. It just tears me apart to see people I care for fall down like that.

I AIN'T SUPERWOMAN. Hell no I ain't.

Sigh, it's tiring to be someone I am not, and it's even worse to be me.

Peace out. Q-Finals starts next week, rgtt all the way.

bittersweet

2007-03-19T04:04:00.000-07:00

):

Ysee, I don't know if I should smile or cry. I know it's the best for all but I've successfully lost what I've been striving for. Sigh, I knew I should have never tried.

):

No one hurts my team

2007-03-14T05:39:00.000-07:00

I'm dead serious about it. No one touches my team, and no one hurts my team.

(Pardon me for being frank here) People are getting upset and stressed over selections, but honestly, who isn't feeling that way now?

Yknow, looking at how training went yesterday was just devastating. I was standing there like a helpless freak and I had nearly zero idea of what was happening. A few had collapsed and to me, it seemed like the team is breaking down. Whether it is now or later, I don't know. All I felt was a sense of helplessness.

I felt that I had fail as a captain, I mean things weren't supposed to be that way right! Maybe many of you would feel that it was probably a small issue and all, but to me it isn't. Any idea why?

Cos it's MY TEAM, it's RGTT.

I know that I can never understand the pain and stress that yall go through, and there will be things I will not and never will know simply because, I ain't you. And I know that you people have probably heard this a million gazillion times before but two words to sum it all: STAY STRONG.

No matter how much life is gonna suck for us, we just gotta keep the faith burning okay. Even if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the team. I know I'm being selfish here but that's what I think.

From feb's post:

'And I've made a promise, to myself. That I'm gonna do all the peach that I can to lead the team back to double champs again. I know competition's definitely definitely tougher than last year's, but I'm darn sure that if we show the rgtt spirit like we've did last year, we can overcome anything.

So all you schools watch out, rgtt's gonna come out strong and hard. Mark my words. I don't care if we collapse halfway on our journey, but all I want to have is to spend my last year [and we're gonna make it the best hellyeah] with the team I love.This is my promise to you, rgtt.

But mind me if I fall at times, though not to worry I'll soon be back up with your help.

Bring it on folks, for this season's gonna be a spectacular one. (: '

Ysee guys, I've made a promise and I will keep by it to the best I can because this is rgtt. I am gonna do every single thing I can to direct this team to the glory we enjoyed last year - I wanna make all 28 of us have the same vision and goal, I wanna see all 28 souls cheering their hearts out for the team, I wanna see all of us as a team, as RGTT'07.

And believe me, I'll do the best I can..

I will.

Just so you know

2007-03-06T08:36:00.000-08:00

This feeling takin' control of me and I can't help it.

Hello all, the week had been and still is terrible. Even though the tests are down, the stress isn't! Pretty convinced that I've successfully flunked both my spa and chinese compo. How does a compo without a conclusion sound? Well, go figure.

Totally demoralised now. ):
I am such a lousy person dyou know that?

You know, I've realised that I've been just deceiving myself all these while, telling myself that things will go fine when you know it isn't! Let's say there's a 99% chance that you won't get it, do you give up or do you fight for that 1%? The odds are obviously against you but nooo, you just refuse to believe that all's not gone yet.

Confused? That's the state of mind I am in now. Hurrah for yiyun.

And I have been making the worst decisions ever. So much for that that I'm not only hurting myself, but others as well. AHHHH, I'm such a dumb ass.

No idea what to look forward to anymore. ):

Help.

There's no time left for losers

2007-03-02T06:47:00.000-08:00

Miaaao, pretty tiring week for me. I've never attempted waking up early in the morning to study, haha which seriously didn't work out for me at all. Which is the reason why I get fed up with myself sometimes.

Thursday's CLE block was interesting. We were asked to review this term and see if we'd achieved what we intended to. Haha, I know the answer pretty well myself. Darn straight NO. I don't know, I really wanted to make 2007 a better year but certain things have been disappointing so far. Haha, guess I deserve it. This bamboozle happens when you don't put in your best tehyiyun.

But some things are really beyond control, and it's really hard to deal with it.

Oh, and I had a great birthday. (: Thanks yall. Especially sponkayyz and hollander olsen and crazy dingaling ruiling! Haha, love you doodes. Just really grateful that I have you as MY friends, not anyone else, but MINE. (:

Sigh, training hasn't really been the best for me so far. Sigh, I don't know. I just hope that it will take a turn for the better soon.

Sigh, I'm such a lousy person, cos there's no time left for losers.

Oh, and you'll probably go 'yeah whatever'.

And so, they start fading away

2007-02-26T04:20:00.000-08:00

One at a time.

And the feeling of losing someone that means so much to you is just crappy, I wonder if you lucky people out there had ever felt this way. I don't know, I guess I'm just losing too many at one shot.

Moe said people change. I know that too, but is it for the worse or the better! When you start to lose grip of those that matters hell lot to you, do you ever wonder if it's your fault! I'm just not used to life like these. OKAY I'M NOT.

I WILL GIVE ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING TO FLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY BACK TO THE PAST. I WILL ALRIGHT BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF LOSING FRIENDS. Are they even aware of it? Or it is just me being oversensitive from the start once again?

Maybe we'll never close to begin with.

I've always thought that life is a two-way street yknow. Yet, I hate to think so.

Just crush me now, does it even matter.

Play the funkeeeh music

2007-02-25T06:12:00.000-08:00

Cool and funky day yesterday, mostly with natalie and ruimin. Haha, watched dreamgirls with them. And later on, we played blackjack! LOL, I have no idea if it's unlucky or loserish, but when it was natalie's first time as the banker, rm and I had blackjack so yeah. She lost like 2 bucks instantly. elle-o-elle seriously. But if only more people from the team came (okay fine so I didn't ask all of them erps. Sorry =X)

Dinner and all was cool with my relatives around. Oh and fiona jiejie looks prettier now, she has definitely opened up since the last time we saw her. Even my parents agree. (: AND she gives donuts. =D Haha, and korkor said I can call her fiona but I guess jiejie's cooler. (:

Hope it will go somewhere cos I love the sight of two of them being together.

Mmh, there seems to be a lot to do tonight but yet I don't feel stress, well not yet. Boo. Tough week ahead, but hey at least math pt's getting somewhere so that's a yay plus.

And, surveys are getting weird now. Like yitong's friend is doing a survey on waist size, so I had to give them my waist size because I know it's hard to get accurate survey results. Walao, quite upsetting though. Boo again.

Oh yeah, last thing. I'm proud to see my juniors training so hard especially CHINADOLL KWAHUIQI. Haha I don't care if it's for nationals/tournaments/indivs, but whenever I see them training so passionately each time, I tell myself that I'm glad to be their seniors. (: Yeah keep it up juniors, you know who you are. And, from what I'm seeing, you are influencing some of us too. (:

Miao, like carling cup final on in 30 mins. Ciao.

Bamboozle

2007-02-22T06:25:00.000-08:00

I think I irritate people when I get really high, alright I know I do. But it feels odd though, I've never felt happy for a long time. Mmh, sorry if I've annoyed you yeah.

But then it sucks, cos I realised that though I'm feeling a-okay, the people around me aren't. And you know what's worse than that? Not being able to help. Sorry >< I'm such a lousy friend ):

Yeah, and everything went topsy turvy today, BOO.
Only one wish on my mind now, alright 2 actually. I suppose yall have already figured out..? See, I don't really care if my birthday's coming cos it's just another damned day. All I want is my LIFE BACK. Gimme gimme gimme.

Sheesh, I sound angsty here don't I.
Oh no, my blog's filled with angsty posts. nyehnyeeeeeh.

Haha. Yeah whatever, I'll catch yall soon. Ta for now.

Peh Pi Pun

2007-02-19T05:13:00.000-08:00

Haha, if you can figure what that is. xD

Just reached home from Malaysia. Haha it was pretty alright I guess, except that the burden of lit test and SS draft weighed heavily on my mind, such that I can't go alllllllllllllllllllll the way to have fun.

Haha doubt many of us could. But shucks, I have never done well in lit. ):

I think I'm seriously screwed for this week. Erps, there's still loadsa homework I haven't done. Oh no oh no, the stress is eating my brain (yesyes eat it eat it!)

Past few days were great! Family food and fun. =D Guess this feeling will gradually fade away though.. Sigh. ):

I'm holding on by letting go of you.

Sidenote: Hello cgtt people who reads my blog, though how you got my url is still a question mark to me, but yeah, like I've said, I apologise for any misunderstandings caused. And thanks wanling and shermaine for clarifying this whole matter with us. (: Guess we were both at faults yeah? Peace and forget alright?

What's up with you man!

2007-02-14T04:11:00.000-08:00

FIVE - NIL BABY.

Yep, so we won cedar 5-0. Feels good, cos I guess we didn't expect to win by such a large margin. Haha pure rgtt power man. Even though there times that we were close to losing, no one gave up. Everyone fought extremely well and I'm proud of us today! oh and to sarah, good job doode. (:

And erps, I know I was darn fierce didn't I. Hehe, well that's me for you!

Nationals are undoubtly harder, especially with the power houses like SSS joining in. But if everyone trains hard as a team, tell me what isn't impossible. Oh, and then on the way to Pierce, I realised that today's match was gonna be the last for the secfours, fine zonal's match.

It's hard to believe that we are living our 4th year in rgtt, haha. I can still remember my zonals match against cedar in sec1 where xiu and I both lost. 4 years down the road, we are there playing in zonals for the final time. And I'm pretty sure that something that means a whole lot to me is gonna end today, right after the cedar match. I don't want to lose yknow, but if it allows us to get further..No regrets though, okay maybe I do have some, but I've given my best shot today, have a strong doubt that it'd actually paid off.

Mmh, nevertheless. Good match.

Haha and yes, I'm aware the team is getting more and more seperated than before, but why can't I see it for myself. People have been telling me about it, and THAT'S when I start to notice. I don't know, but maybe it's still early for them to adapt into the team's environment, and I'm trying my best to do so now. Just hope that at the end of four years, they will be saying that 'rgtt is love' instead of their overpowering desire to leave the team asap.

But we'll see.

Lastly, I don't know if cgtt reads my blog. Maybe it was wrong of us to claim that cgtt had overaged china players in the divisions and I apologise for that. Yet again, we wouldn't make false statements unless we have sustantial information to back us up. And, what's with shooting insults at each other on blogs and tagboards?

As much as we had no right to insult your teams, what's up with insulting mine and calling my juniors 'disgusting' and 'easy with guys'? I guess it's okay when one says it jokingly and all, but hey, when you type it out and it's accessible to the public, how agitated do you think one can get? Sorry if my teammates have retaliated strongly against what you've said, but just place yourself in our shoes and perhaps you will see where we're coming from.

I guess today's match didn't ease things between us, but no one loves enemies. So let's just call this a truce?

Haha and I HOPE you read my blog.

rgtt is love. (: